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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v.10

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 10
In this propensity era, many people presume that video games that show violence is detrimental. However, others argue that this does not significantly affect people’s minds. This essay will discuss both sides and state my opinion. On the one hand, jeopardizing people’s minds is the primary foible of this game. People are trained to imitate what they see. Therefore, when they see this kind of game, they will unconsciously emulate the actions in reality. As a result, there is a plethora of people who act like a superhero and damaging their surroundings. Because of their friends do not like that, they are going to be the introvert. This phenomenon is considerably vicious because they do not have a friend to share the problems. On the other hand, the merit of this game is that it can extenuate stress and discovered some new skills. Busy people are very pressed; therefore, they trust that playing a violent game can fulfil their volition. Furthermore, some of them can make some friends from overseas-because games can connect people from around the world without any difficulties. Sharing some stories to others is the best benefit of making friends. For some athletes, new tricks are momentous. Therefore, some of them imitate some skills from the games. In conclusion, violent games can make people satisfied after playing with it. Irrespective of the profit, it can cause some mental disease. In my opinion, video games have more disadvantageous because the mentally diseased inflicted from it cannot be cured.
In this propensity era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
presume that video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
violence is detrimental.
However
, others argue that this does not
significantly
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
minds. This essay will discuss both sides and state my opinion.

On the one hand, jeopardizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
minds is the primary foible of this game.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are trained
to imitate what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.
Therefore
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this kind of game, they will
unconsciously
emulate the actions in reality.
As a result
, there is a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who act like a superhero and damaging their surroundings.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
do not like that, they are going to be the introvert. This phenomenon is
considerably
vicious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
to share the problems.

On the other hand
, the merit of this game is that it can extenuate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and discovered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
pressed;
therefore
, they trust that playing a violent game can fulfil their volition.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
from overseas-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from around the world without any difficulties. Sharing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stories to others is the best benefit of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
athletes, new tricks are momentous.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them imitate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from the games.

In conclusion
, violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
satisfied after playing with it. Irrespective of the profit, it can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mental disease. In my opinion, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have more disadvantageous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the mentally diseased inflicted from it cannot
be cured
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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