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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 2
It is sometimes suggested that high school students should contribute to the welfare of society on a mandatory basis during their studies. Though people may vary in their opinion, I am strongly convinced that this is a reasonable approach inasmuch as it benefits both community and individuals in the long run. Firstly, this essay will illustrate the positive effect on personal growth, and secondly, it will highlight the advantages for the social well-being. On no account should the development of human qualities be ignored. By teaching elderly people how to use the Internet or providing support in the shelters, the one learns basics of humanity. As a result, not only does it help to build moral standards for young generation, but it also stimulates the interest of assisting the community in the future. According to the latest Human Aid organization research, it was revealed that 7 out of 10 people are more eager to donate if they had some charity practice in their syllabus. Another reason for introduction of regular non-paid activities at high school is positive consequences for the community prosperity. If it were not for the volunteering, many social organizations would be lack of workforce to support the whole variety of projects they run. Therefore, having extra help from school students may facilitate the expansion of the impact these philanthropic organizations make. The recent program run by school and non-profit organization in London showed that it was possible to reach 20% more impoverished people and provide the meaningful support with the involvement of students. In conclusion, I agree that obligatory engagement in social serving is necessary for all high schools as it has undeniable benefits for both individual self-development and flourishing of society.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
suggested that high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students should contribute to the welfare of society on a mandatory basis during their studies. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinion, I am
strongly
convinced that this is a reasonable approach inasmuch as it benefits both community and individuals in the long run.
Firstly
, this essay will illustrate the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on personal growth, and
secondly
, it will highlight the advantages for the social well-being.

On no account should the development of human qualities be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. By teaching elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet or providing support in the shelters, the one learns basics of humanity.
As a result
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build moral standards for young generation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
stimulates the interest of assisting the community in the future. According to the latest Human Aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
research, it
was revealed
that 7 out of 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more eager to donate if they had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
charity practice in their syllabus.

Another reason for introduction of regular non-paid activities at high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences for the community prosperity. If it were not for the volunteering,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
would be lack of workforce to support the whole variety of projects they run.
Therefore
, having extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students may facilitate the expansion of the impact these philanthropic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. The recent program run by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and non-profit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
in London
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that it was possible to reach 20% more impoverished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and provide the meaningful support with the involvement of students.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that obligatory engagement in social serving is necessary for all high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as it has undeniable benefits for both individual self-development and flourishing of society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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