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ome people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

ome people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 1
Some masses think that unpaid community service needs to be a mandatory part of secondary school functions. For instance, working for charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger pupils. In my first view, in today's era school's is an important part of starting teenagers careers. If community service part of secondary schools. Children's can gain extra knowledge and developing their basic skills for their future job. For instance, some poor students have interest in computer learning, for this kind of students, Indian authorities started skill India free courses. It is very useful courses for poor pupils. Moreover, with these types of courses, children's can develop their skills with their regular study's. In my second view, however sports are also a significant part of human life. In addition to the help of community groups school's can make their students in good players. Furthermore, children's can give the part of different types of sports matches and challenges. Particularly, in foreign colleges are attracted to this style of unpaid community service with the help of government and they have arranged a lot of sports tournaments for their students. Because of this pupils have gained a lot of knowledge in the sports section. To conclude, the government of every city should be allowed to part of community service with high schools.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
masses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
needs to be a mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of secondary school functions.
For instance
, working for charity, improving the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
or teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to younger pupils.

In my
first
view, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era school's is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of starting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
careers.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of secondary schools. Children's can gain extra knowledge and developing their basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for their future job.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have interest in computer learning, for this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, Indian authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
India free courses. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful courses for poor pupils.
Moreover
, with these types of courses, children's can develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
with their regular study's.

In my second view,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
also
a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of human life.
In addition
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
groups school's can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
players.
Furthermore
, children's can give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
matches and challenges.
Particularly
, in foreign colleges
are attracted
to this style of unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
government and
they have arranged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
tournaments for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of
Did you mean "these"?
this
pupils have gained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledge in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
section.

To conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of every city should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
with high schools.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay ome people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
219 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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