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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 5
We belongs to well behaved and civilised society, But there are differences between social mindsets of people. It is always argued that voluntary services such as charity, aiding unprivileged people, cleaning surroundings and many more should be part of school curriculum. Well, I agree with this statement and I believe it should be mandatory in every school. I shall further discuss my supporting arguments in following paragraphs. To begin with, Social community service will impact children’s mind in positive way such that they understand the way of becoming responsible citizen. Not only that, they can empathise with socially backward or disable people. For instance, Few years back, my school started educating student about Swatch Bharat mission and it was mandatory for each student to take part. From that event, I started understanding importance of making surrounding clean and I learned to throw rubbish in dustbin always for a lifetime. Besides this, volunteer work from school days adds social relations for a lifetime, which can benefit pupils in their later career process. Moreover, helping disable or elderly people gives inner satisfaction and proud moment, which makes them understand the humanity and kindness. They feel returning favour to society and get meaning of true happiness. For example, student who aid at elderly home would always respect their grand parents and folks. However, few school children will find these time as excuse to hangout with friends and might not give hundred percent for free service to community. To put this in a nutshell, I pen down saying that even though there are minor disadvantage of such mandatory volunteer work from school, there are huge advantages for society and individual. Also, I believe it will be one step towards making perfect society.
We
Possible agreement error -- use base form here: "belong".
belongs
to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well behaved
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilised' is British English.
civilised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are differences between social mindsets of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is always argued that voluntary services such as charity, aiding unprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, cleaning surroundings and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more should be part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. Well, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and I believe it should be mandatory in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I shall
further
discuss my supporting arguments in following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Social community service will impact children’s mind in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way such that they understand the way of becoming responsible citizen. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, they can
Possible spelling mistake. 'empathise' is British English.
empathise
with
socially
backward or disable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, Few years back, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
educating student about Swatch Bharat mission and it was mandatory for each student to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
. From that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
understanding importance of making surrounding clean and I learned to throw rubbish in dustbin always for a lifetime.

Besides
this, volunteer work from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
social relations for a lifetime, which can benefit pupils in their later career process.
Moreover
, helping disable or elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
gives
inner satisfaction and proud moment, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them understand the humanity and kindness. They feel returning
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
meaning of true happiness.
For example
, student who aid at elderly home would always respect their grand parents and folks.
However
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children will find these time as excuse
The verb 'hang out' is spelled as two words. The noun 'hangout' is spelled as one.
to hangout
with friends and might not give
Use "a hundred" or use a number before 'hundred'.
hundred
percent for free service to community.

To put this in a nutshell, I pen down saying that
even though
there are minor disadvantage of such mandatory volunteer work from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, there are huge advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and individual.
Also
, I believe it will be one step towards making perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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