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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to young children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to young children). v. 1
It is argued by some people that voluntary services to the community ought to be compelled for college students. In my opinion, I strongly agree with this statement, because this will develop them into a better individuals as well as help build a friendly society. Firstly, community service should be made compulsory to high school students without any finiancial benefits because this will reform them into a better human. In other words taking part in voluntary programs such as cleaning the environment, engaging younger children in sporting activites and running errands to the elderly helps improve the general attitude and orienation of such individual. For example, a report in 2014 by the University press in Ibadan stated that 90% of secondary school graduates got a well payed jobs in their first year after graduation because they all had previous work experiences as volunteers. Thus, this service helps build individuals that are willing and ready to help without any cash benefit. Another point to consider is that compelling these students to partake in this community activities makes the society a friendly and cordial one. This is because this unpaid services helps build them into individuals that can relate, communicate and associate freely with any member of the society without bias. Therefore, this unpaid services builds a society void of many disagreement and rifts as these students have learnt the act of associating and relating with people. For example, a community in London had lesser report of violence among the youths in 2018 when they forced all college students to take part in volunteering during their summer break. Consequently, volunteering aids the general coexitence and peaceful living among people of a society. In conclusion, charity activities should be incalcated and made complusory in the college programs because this will develop students into great individuals and also help foster good relationship among people in a society.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
ought to
be compelled
for college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will develop them into a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
a friendly society.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
should
be made
compulsory to high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
without any
Possible spelling mistake found.
finiancial
benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will reform them into a better human.
In other words
taking part in voluntary programs such as cleaning the environment, engaging younger children in sporting
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
and running errands to the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the general attitude and
Possible spelling mistake found.
orienation
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
.
For example
, a report in 2014 by the University press in Ibadan stated that 90% of secondary school graduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a well
Only in a nautical context 'payed' is an acceptable past tense form of 'pay'. Please check!
payed
jobs in their
first
year after graduation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they all had previous work experiences as volunteers.
Thus
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
that are willing and ready to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
without any cash benefit.

Another point to consider is that compelling these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to partake in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
a friendly and cordial one. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
them into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
that can relate, communicate and associate
freely
with any member of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
without bias.
Therefore
, this unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
builds
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
void of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disagreement and rifts as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
the act of associating and relating with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
in London had lesser report of violence among the youths in 2018 when they forced all college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in volunteering during their summer break.
Consequently
, volunteering aids the general
Possible spelling mistake found.
coexitence
and peaceful living among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of a society.

In conclusion
, charity activities should be
Possible spelling mistake found.
incalcated
and made
Possible spelling mistake found.
complusory
in the college programs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
into great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
foster
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to young children). v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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