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SPORTS PROFESSIONALS CAN EARN A GREAT DEAL MORE MONEY THAN PEOPLE IN OTHER IMPORTANT PROFESSIONS. SOME PEOPLE THINK THIS IS FULLY JUSTIFIED, WHILE OTHERS THINK IT IS UNFAIR. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION. v.1

SPORTS PROFESSIONALS CAN EARN A GREAT DEAL MORE MONEY THAN PEOPLE IN OTHER IMPORTANT PROFESSIONS. SOME PEOPLE THINK THIS IS FULLY JUSTIFIED, WHILE OTHERS THINK IT IS UNFAIR. v. 1
Professional athletes might have higher incomes than people with regular but critical job positions. Although part of society argues that is fair, others believe the difference is unreasonable. From my perspective, the higher salaries are compatible with the financial return. Those who agree that workers such as doctors, educators, or firemen should earn better salaries than sports professionals mention that players give a limited return to society, because they only play a significant role in the entertainment business, consequently essential areas as health, security, and education might be underestimated. For instance, while the principal goal of a soccer players is winning a championship, the main objective of doctors is saving lives, which it is widely accepted as being more important. Moreover, some critical professions as policemen and firefighters should earn better incomes, because they put their lives in risk daily, therefore higher earnings would encourage people to follow this career. On the other hand, it is believed that professional players give better a financial return to employers, since countless fans purchase tickets, uniforms, and accessories related to them, which results in millionaire incomes for both team owner and athletes. Take as an example Neymar, who raised in 45% his team profit after getting in the group, thanks to gold products sold with his name brand. Furthermore, sports players are a select group among millions of amateur athletes, because of the difficult training and daily sacrifices to be the best, as a result, they unreplaceble in their areas. To conclude, I believe that professional athletes should receive higher salaries, despite the detrimental importance of proffessionals of other areas. That is because not only do they generate more money, but also are unique.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
might have higher incomes than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with regular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
critical job positions. Although part of society argues
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
, others believe the difference is unreasonable. From my perspective, the higher salaries are compatible with the financial return.

Those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that workers such as doctors, educators, or firemen should earn better salaries than sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
mention that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
give a limited return to society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
play a significant role in the entertainment business,
consequently
essential areas as health, security, and education might
be underestimated
.
For instance
, while the principal goal of a soccer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
is winning a championship, the main objective of doctors is saving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, which it is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as being more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critical professions as policemen and firefighters should earn better incomes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they put their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
daily,
therefore
higher earnings would encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to follow this career.

On the other hand
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
give better a financial return to employers, since countless fans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
tickets, uniforms, and accessories related to them, which results in millionaire incomes for both team owner and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
. Take as an example
Possible spelling mistake found.
Neymar
, who raised in 45% his team profit after getting in the group, thanks to gold products sold with his name brand.
Furthermore
, sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are a select group among millions of amateur
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the difficult training and daily sacrifices to be the best,
as a result
, they
Possible spelling mistake found.
unreplaceble
in their areas.

To conclude
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
should receive higher salaries, despite the detrimental importance of
Possible spelling mistake found.
proffessionals
of other areas.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do they generate more money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
are unique.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay SPORTS PROFESSIONALS CAN EARN A GREAT DEAL MORE MONEY THAN PEOPLE IN OTHER IMPORTANT PROFESSIONS. SOME PEOPLE THINK THIS IS FULLY JUSTIFIED, WHILE OTHERS THINK IT IS UNFAIR. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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