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Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages?

Many things that use to be done in the home by hand are now being done by the machines. Does this development bring more advantage or disadvantage. v. 2
Home appliances have significantly advanced from what they were a couple of years back. Machines that were semi automatic have now evolved into fully automatic. These gadgets are the virtual hand of many homemakers in today’s homes. In this essay, we will discuss the positive and negative aspects of these home appliances. It is evident and true and these appliances have reduced the labour required to perform many household tasks that were earlier done with hand. Thanks to the advent of appliances like washing machines, dishwashers and vacuum cleaners, the majority of household tasks can now be done with little effort. For instance, a homemaker can wash clothes, clean dishes and vacuum the house simultaneously and can save time by multitasking. These machines enable people to save time which they can be used for something more fruitful. Besides saving time, these machines complete the task more efficiently than humans who work with hands. A major negative aspect of these machines taking over the control of our house chores is that they are making most of the people unhealthy and lazy. Since 80% of these tasks are automated and taken care of by these appliances, we become lazy. For instance, before these machines arrived most of the tasks were done by people, and they had to get physically active while accomplishing these works. Since most of the jobs are now taken care of by these machines, homemakers sit idle and become unhealthy and lazy. In conclusion, the advantages of using these household appliances outweigh the disadvantages because they have enabled us to perform most household tasks more easily and efficiently
Home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
have
significantly
advanced from what they were a couple of years
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "backs"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'back' is not always incorrect.)
back
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Machines
that were
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
semi automatic
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
evolved into
fully
automatic. These gadgets are the virtual hand of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
homemakers in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s homes. In this essay, we will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of these home appliances.

It is evident and true and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
required to perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
that were earlier done with hand. Thanks to the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
like washing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
, dishwashers and vacuum cleaners, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be done
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
effort.
For instance
, a homemaker can wash clothes, clean dishes and vacuum the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
simultaneously
and can save time by multitasking. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
enable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to save time which they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for something more fruitful.
Besides
saving time, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
complete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
more
efficiently
than humans who work with hands.

A major
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
taking over the control of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores is that they are making most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
unhealthy and lazy. Since 80% of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
are automated
and taken care of by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
, we become lazy.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
arrived most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
were done
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and they had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
physically
active while accomplishing these works. Since most of the jobs are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
taken care of by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
, homemakers sit idle and become unhealthy and lazy.

In conclusion
, the advantages of using these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
outweigh the disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have enabled us to perform most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
more
easily
and
efficiently
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Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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