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some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children) To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children) v. 4
Whilst a sector of the society is of the view that free community service ought to be mandatory in the high school curriculum, others have a diverse perspective. I am a staunch believer that the former point of view has a plethora of demerits to the students and to the unemployment percentage in the country. In the following lines, the justification for my claim will be further discussed. To begin with, implementing community service programmes to the students has two quintessential drawbacks. This is because the more the youth spend their time improving their country, the more they get distracted from their studies. For instance, as per an article published by The Guardian, around 35% of the British students, who have to work for charity organizations as a study program, get lower marks than their peers at the same class. Not only do the charity activities waste the youngster's time, but it also soar the stress they face during the school days. This reflects that applying compulsory services to the children will negatively affect their educational progress. In addition to this, it may have a negative impact on the employability. Whilst the minority of the children may get some experience from these activities, this may upsurge the employment competition, for the new generations conduct work for free. This is exemplified by a research study conducted by one of the pundits in the field of economy; the findings of the study have revealed that the vast majority of governments that have applied free society services by its senior school students, suffer from an obvious recession, and they will draft a law to reverse this step. This accentuates the concept that free services, which is achieved by students, have a hazardous impact on the economy of these countries. In conclusion, it can be reiterated that free work services have a negative influence on the students' academic progress and on the economic stability of the country. In the light of this, I am of the belief that students should opt for conducting charity activities if they have free time.
Whilst a sector of the society is of the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
ought to be mandatory in the high school curriculum, others have a diverse perspective. I am a staunch believer that the former point of view has a plethora of demerits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and to the unemployment percentage in the country. In the following lines, the justification for my claim will be
further
discussed.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, implementing community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
has two quintessential drawbacks. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the more the youth spend their time improving their country, the more they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
For instance
, as per an article published by The Guardian, around 35% of the British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work for charity organizations as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
program,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lower marks than their peers at the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do the charity activities waste the youngster's time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
Did you mean "soars"?
soar
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
they face during the school days. This reflects that applying compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
to the children will
negatively
affect their educational progress.

In addition
to this, it may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the employability. Whilst the minority of the children may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experience from these activities, this may upsurge the employment competition, for the new generations conduct work for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
. This
is exemplified
by a research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
conducted by one of the pundits in the field of economy; the findings of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
have revealed that the vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
that have applied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
by its senior school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, suffer from an obvious recession, and they will draft a law to reverse this step. This accentuates the concept that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, which
is achieved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, have a hazardous impact on the economy of these countries.

In conclusion
, it can
be reiterated
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on the students' academic progress and on the economic stability of the country. In the light of this, I am of the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should opt for conducting charity activities if they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
time.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children) v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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