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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.23

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 23
Some belief think that the social service should be free by adding it in a compulsory module in a secondary school. This essay agrees with this opinion because the children will not selfish and the social will save their money. Initially, the social work, such as a charity, can improve many social skills for the children. Because they have to communicate with many people to coordinate each project and also knows a lot of people who lives in their village. Furthermore, they always think to help other people and be a good person when they grow up. For example, my friend his name is Mix, when he was young, he always went to the donation event and had serviced to the other people who was invited to that event. So, his neighbour had been known him and they always buy some product from Mix’s family. In addition, this program will reduce the spending of money, and we can use it for the other reason, such as the educational scholarships, improvement a public garden, and investment in a health care service. For instance, I live in Banmai sub district, Nonthaburi, which has a group of volunteers, they come from 2-5 students in each school. And they usually have a weekend project for clean the public place, example the temples, their school and a playground. Besides, they safe the budget, they also affect our society has more money to give some scholarship for the poor children. In conclusion, the belief about a free social service is should to be happening, since children will have kindness behaviour and we save the cost to invest in the other significant public project.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Did you mean "beliefs"?
belief
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
service should be free by adding it in a compulsory module in a secondary school. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the children will not selfish and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
will save their money.

Initially
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
work, such as a charity, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for the children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
communicate with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to coordinate each project and
also
knows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in their village.
Furthermore
, they always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person when they grow up.
For example
, my friend his name is Mix, when he was young, he always went to the donation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
and had serviced to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
was invited
to that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, his
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
had
been known
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
him and
they always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
product from Mix’s family.

In addition
, this program will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the spending of money, and we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reason, such as the educational scholarships, improvement a public garden, and investment in a health care service.
For instance
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Banmai
sub district,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nonthaburi
, which has a group of volunteers, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from 2-5 students in each school. And they
usually
have a weekend project for clean the public place, example the temples, their school and a playground.
Besides
, they
The word "safe" is an adjective. Did you mean the verb "save"?
safe
the budget, they
also
affect our society has more money to give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scholarship for the poor children.

In conclusion
, the belief about a free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
service
Did you mean "it"?
is
should to be happening, since children will have kindness
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
behaviour and
we save the cost to invest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
significant public project.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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