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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.11

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 11
Nowadays, some part of community affairs are derivative from issues that students take in high school. Some individuals think that voluntary social programs such as charity affairs, developing neighbourhood or work at the gym should be mandatory in high schools for youngsters. I personally agree with the given statements on the basis of learning, social behaviour and encounter with hard situations. To begin with, the main reason is that social behaviour is a determining factor when young people want to get a job. Community affairs lead students deal with the people that not only working without getting a salary to their job, but some of them spent money from their pocket for charity affairs. The more participate in community affairs by youngsters, the better improve their social manners. For example, feeding of poor people at church can enhance sympathy of students with individuals who have not sufficient money to prepare daily food. Hence, free public jobs can increase the responsibility of young students to society. Having said that, however, development of social behaviour are not the only factor in this respect, other arguments is that children will be encountered with the hard situations that they have not experienced yet. That is to say, this unpaid social jobs is almost the types of occupation which most of the students didn't know about them and they may face them in the future. Therefore, Students are more likely to learn how to solve the unpredictable problems that they may exist on the hard condition. For instance, teaching English to foreign students is a good experience for students, to know more about the culture of other countries. Thus, they would know how to manage the problems and deal with them. To conclude, I personally that the view that it is acceptable to put students on free public services. This is mainly because young people need to know how to behave in society and how to deal with problems in their real life.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affairs
are derivative from issues that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take in high school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
programs such as charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affairs
, developing
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
or work at the gym should be mandatory in high schools for youngsters. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statements on the basis of learning,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and encounter with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
situations.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is a determining factor when young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affairs
lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
deal with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
working without getting a salary to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them spent money from their pocket for charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affairs
. The more participate in community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affairs
by youngsters, the better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
manners.
For example
, feeding of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at church can enhance sympathy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with individuals who have not sufficient money to prepare daily food.
Hence
, free public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can increase the responsibility of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to society.

Having said that,
however
, development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor in this respect, other arguments is that children will
be encountered
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
situations that they have not experienced
yet
.
That is
to say, this unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is almost the types of occupation which most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
didn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they may face them in the future.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are more likely to learn how to solve the unpredictable problems that they may exist on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
condition.
For instance
, teaching English to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
experience for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
more about the culture of other countries.
Thus
, they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
how to manage the problems and deal with them.

To conclude
, I
personally
that the view that it is acceptable to put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
on free public services. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
how to behave in society and how to deal with problems in their real life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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