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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (<em>for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children</em>). v.6

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (<em>for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children</em>). v. 6
Many individuals debate on whether or not voluntary works should be a part of the educational system. Some citizens argue that it does not necessarily have to, however, some others believe that doing important voluntary works like assisting other people, cleaning, or helping children in doing exercise are integral parts that must be included in a school curriculum. This is not a trivial question to answer; nonetheless, personally I incline to believe that schools must adopt volunteerism into their academic subject based on improving attitude and behaviour point of views. To begin with, increasing cognitive value is considerably a rudimentary task of school. Since school is a place for the educational process, it must be targeted to not only improving knowledge but also effective insights of students. One of the ways to cope with this issue is by managing to volunteer over social events by pupils as a part of lectures. This idea can help to boost students’ willingness in understanding social needs and administering the prompt way to overcome the social problem. Unpaid school internship, for example, has been imposed by several schools and as the consequences, the pupils of those schools are more active in assisting social events without any command from school than those who are from the school where the same program is not applied. Furthermore, the idea of involving free social service as the part of school activities can help students to set their perception about volunteerism. It goes as a systematic way of thinking. Knowledge can affect attitude and lead to behaviour subsequently. Adult volunteers in the food bank, for instance, tend to work without earning money sincerely because they are accustomed to doing volunteering since it was the part of after school program they attended. All in all, as an educational agent, the school has to optimise student life skills, academic, attitude, and behaviour, by involving social activities in the school program.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals debate on
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
voluntary works should be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the educational system.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
citizens argue that it does not
necessarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others believe that doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
voluntary works like assisting other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, cleaning, or helping children in doing exercise are integral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be included
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. This is not a trivial question to answer; nonetheless,
personally
I incline to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
adopt volunteerism into their academic subject based on improving attitude and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
point of views.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, increasing cognitive value is
considerably
a rudimentary task of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a place for the educational process, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be targeted
to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
improving knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
effective insights of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. One of the ways to cope with this issue is by managing to volunteer over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
by pupils as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of lectures. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to boost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
willingness in understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
needs and administering the prompt way to overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problem. Unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
internship,
for example
, has
been imposed
by several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and as the consequences, the pupils of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are more active in assisting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
without any command from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
than those who are from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
where the same program is not applied.

Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of involving free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
service as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
activities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to set their perception about volunteerism. It goes as a systematic way of thinking. Knowledge can affect attitude and lead to
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
subsequently
. Adult volunteers in the food bank,
for instance
, tend to work without earning money
sincerely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are accustomed
to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "going volunteering".
doing volunteering
since it was the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
program they attended.

All in all, as an educational agent, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
Possible spelling mistake. 'optimise' is British English.
optimise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, academic, attitude, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, by involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
program.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (<em>for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children</em>). v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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