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Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. v.41

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. v. 41
Due to the advancements in communication systems, the relation among nations has been increased markedly. As a result of this, learning a foreign language at an early age has become a controversial issue in the global village. Some experts claim that primary school is the best place for learning another language instead of secondary school. I firmly believe that there is a defensible basis for this argument. The proponents of this view discuss that there are many reasons behind of their claims. The most important one is about recent research. The studies have shown that the children between 4-9 ages have a great opportunity to learn new languages. Also, they clarify their claims by an example, a survey among 200 pupils, has shown that the above mention ages have a crucial role in children building character and developing their personality. Moreover, give the special care and settle down proper curriculum could be much beneficial for them in this way. Consequently, because of carefree mind children can catch more points in this level. In parallel, I personally side with this idea. The key point to justify this attitude could be illustrated by a personal tangible example. A couple of years ago, I met a German family with an interesting story. To cut the long story short, Lucas, the first child of the family, has started learning the English language at secondary school and now the level of his English skill is almost intermediate. Conversely, his sister has started English and France together at primary school. Now, she can speak very fluently both of them. On balance, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the primary school can pave the way for learning a foreign language easily. Although, it should be considered that the method and atmosphere of the school play a key role in learning. All in all, we should own up to the fact that learning a foreign language has become a key factor in our lifelong. It goes without saying, having a strong basis in a new language can uplift us towards prosperity. Primary schools are the best places to enhance our children's language ability. Also, in this special span, the pupil’s minds are dead ready to catch an awful lot of new things and what could better than learning a second language than that.
Due to the advancements in communication systems, the relation among nations has
been increased
markedly
.
As a result
of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at an early age has become a controversial issue in the global village.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
experts claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is the best place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
instead
of secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I
firmly
believe that there is a defensible basis for this argument.

The proponents of this view discuss that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons behind of their claims. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is about recent research.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
studies have shown that the children between 4-9 ages have a great opportunity to learn new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
Also
, they clarify their claims by an example, a survey among 200 pupils, has shown that the above mention ages have a crucial role in children building character and developing their personality.
Moreover
, give the special care and settle down proper curriculum could be much beneficial for them in this way.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of carefree mind children can catch more points in this level.

In parallel, I
personally
side with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. The key point to justify this attitude could
be illustrated
by a personal tangible example. A couple of years ago, I met a German family with an interesting story. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the long story short, Lucas, the
first
child of the family, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
the English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the level of his English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is almost intermediate.
Conversely
, his sister has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
English and France together at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, she can speak
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fluently
both of them. On balance, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can pave the way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
easily
. Although, it should
be considered
that the method and atmosphere of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
play a key role in learning.

All in all, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
up to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
has become a key factor in our lifelong. It goes without saying, having a strong basis in a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
can uplift us towards prosperity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are the best places to enhance our children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
ability.
Also
, in this special span, the pupil’s minds are dead ready to catch an awful lot of new things and what could better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
than that.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. v. 41

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
385 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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