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Some people believe that universities are producing more graduates than is needed, and that less emphasis should be placed on university education. Others are of a different opinion. Discuss both views and include your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that universities are producing more graduates than is needed, and that less emphasis should be placed on university education. Others are of a different opinion. v. 1
As the world develops, the opportunity to achieve tertiary education is becoming more widespread. This has led many to question that whether the increasing number of graduates is a positive trend. However, some folks believe that universities do more than simply providing employment opportunities. In my opinion, I agree with the view of taking higher education for the holistic development of the individual. To embark with, many people feel that the proliferating number of university graduates nowadays causes more harm than benefit. For example, most of the engineering graduates in India have to wait for the employment because there is a bottle neck competition to grab a good job position in the engineering domain. Despite this, there are more job options available in other fields. This example shows a disparity that is common in every part of the world and makes it clear that achieving higher education is a precursor to unemployment. On the other hand, Some set of people believe that university education plays a vital role in the life of an individual. Higher education helps the student to tap their hidden potential and opens numerous gateways of opportunities. For instance, a study by Oxford university has proved that 60% of the university student acquire multi talented skills. In addition to this, the tertiary education strengthens the analytical and logical skills of the student and make them ready to combat any challenges in their life. Therefore, the university should focus more on imparting education. In conclusion, I assert that higher education is important for the overall development of the individual. However, universities should upgrade their curriculum regularly based on the market demand and organise awareness campaigns to educate students about various fields of studies to gather multiple skills.
As the world develops, the opportunity to achieve tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is becoming more widespread. This has led
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to question that whether the increasing number of graduates is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
folks believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
do more than
simply
providing employment opportunities. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view of taking higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for the holistic development of the individual.

To embark with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that the proliferating number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates nowadays causes more harm than benefit.
For example
, most of the engineering graduates in India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for the employment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a
This word is normally spelled as one.
bottle neck
competition to grab a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job position in the engineering domain. Despite this, there are more job options available in other fields. This example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a disparity
that is
common in every part of the world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that achieving higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a precursor to unemployment.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays a vital role in the life of an individual. Higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to tap their hidden potential and opens numerous gateways of opportunities.
For instance
, a study by Oxford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has proved that 60% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
acquire multi talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
In addition
to this, the tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
strengthens the analytical and logical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them ready to combat any challenges in their life.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should focus more on imparting education.

In conclusion
, I assert that higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
overall
development of the individual.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should upgrade their curriculum
regularly
based on the market demand and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
awareness campaigns to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about various fields of studies to gather multiple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that universities are producing more graduates than is needed, and that less emphasis should be placed on university education. Others are of a different opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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