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Some people believe that traditional medicines such as herbal medicines or acupuncture are more benefit than modern medicines. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Some people believe that traditional medicines such as herbal medicines or acupuncture are more benefit than modern medicines. v. 1
It is by some people believed that traditional medication by such as herbs or acupuncture medicines is more advantageous than new nowadays medicines of nowadays. Traditional medicines can sometimes be perfect, however, I disagree that those are more beneficial than modern medicines. At the first view, when it comes to the benefits of traditional medicines, they are of low or even no costs. Using an herb or any form of plants as medicine requires no more than consuming it and let solve the problem in a body, while there's great thinking minds and effort demanded for the production of any new medicine. In addition, most people tend to prefer nature medications over chemical ones, because the harm can be caused to the immune system of our bodies. In contrast, herbal or acupuncture medicines can also be harmful or neutral if random plants are used for medical purposes. Some of them contain poisonous stuff and most neither have positive, nor negative effect. On the other hand, modern medicines are made available for use only after enough experimentation is done, where more money and intelligence is needed for. In the end they are worth everything, because of their proved safety. Concluded, despite of the fact that traditional medicines are almost free and good for our immune system, they sometimes can be dangerous. Thanks to the experiments done for the production, modern medicines are less likely to be unsafe. Therefore, traditional medicines are not more beneficial than new medicines. Our insurance, after all, is the most essential thing.
It is by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
medication by such as herbs or acupuncture medicines is more advantageous than new nowadays medicines of nowadays.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
medicines can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be perfect,
however
, I disagree that those are more beneficial than modern medicines.

At the
first
view, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
medicines, they are of low or even no costs. Using
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
herb or any form of plants as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
requires no more than consuming it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
solve the problem in a body, while there's great thinking minds and effort demanded for the production of any new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
.
In addition
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to prefer nature medications over chemical ones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the harm can
be caused
to the immune system of our bodies.

In contrast
, herbal or acupuncture medicines can
also
be harmful or neutral if random plants are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for medical purposes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them contain poisonous stuff and most neither have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, nor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect.
On the other hand
, modern medicines
are made
available for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experimentation
is done
, where more money and intelligence
is needed
for. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
they are worth everything,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their proved safety.

Concluded,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
medicines are almost free and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our immune system, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. Thanks to the experiments done for the production, modern medicines are less likely to be unsafe.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
medicines are not more beneficial than new medicines. Our insurance,
after all
, is the most essential thing.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that traditional medicines such as herbal medicines or acupuncture are more benefit than modern medicines. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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