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Some people believe that to be a successful sportsperson, one needs to have a natural ability. Others think that hard work and practice are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Some people believe that to be a successful sportsperson, one needs to have a natural ability. Others think that hard work and practice are more important. v. 4
Ones argue that the body`s shape and inborn talent are far effective aspects of a person to become a successful one in sports-related major. However, some other people are in this notion that the more time one devotes in practice, the more success will occur. Both views will be examined, yet in my perspective hard-working outweigh the other elements. On the one hand, the body`s abilities have played a vital role in such a physical activity. One of the fundamentals requires of each sport, besides some specific one like chess, is a strong body due to the high energy which they need. To illustrate, the crucial requirement of volleyball is to be a tall person. If one is short, the team will face difficulty as a result of a problem in jumping, which that person has had. Moreover, if an individual cannot endure the severe situation and long term of running, they cannot develop throughout their sport`s time, so the physical aspects can be a chief necessity for each athlete. On the other hand, striving hard to obtain a goal is important in every subject as well as sports. Without hard work, even high talent people cannot achieve the success that is because they do not devote a sufficient amount of time to their practice. If ones have not enough self-motivation in their field, they cannot stand the injuries and damages which will be happening. Moreover, the lack of responsibility, which causes the lack of trying, prevents the physical abilities of each person, so that their mussels will not improve, and their physical talents become a non-usage ability. To conclude, despite the high values and the effects of the body`s shape, without practicing nothing will change and success will be far away so that in my opinion the impacts of hard-working are far outweighed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Ones
argue that the
The character between 'body' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "body’s" (curly apostrophe) or "body's" (straight apostrophe).
body`s
shape and inborn talent are far effective aspects of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to become a successful one in sports-related major.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in this notion that the more time one devotes in practice, the more success will occur. Both views will
be examined
,
yet
in my perspective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working outweigh the other elements.

On the one hand, the
The character between 'body' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "body’s" (curly apostrophe) or "body's" (straight apostrophe).
body`s
abilities have played a vital role in such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity. One of the fundamentals requires of each sport,
besides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific one like chess, is a strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
due to the high energy which they need. To illustrate, the crucial requirement of volleyball is to be a tall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. If one is short, the team will face difficulty
as a result
of a problem in jumping, which that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has had.
Moreover
, if an individual cannot endure the severe situation and long term of running, they cannot develop throughout their
The character between 'sport' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "sport’s" (curly apostrophe) or "sport's" (straight apostrophe).
sport`s
time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
aspects can be a chief necessity for each athlete.

On the other hand
, striving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to obtain a goal is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in every subject
as well
as sports. Without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, even high talent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot achieve the success
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not devote a sufficient amount of time to their practice. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
self-motivation in their field, they cannot stand the injuries and damages which will be happening.
Moreover
, the lack of responsibility, which causes the lack of trying,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
abilities of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their mussels will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
, and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
talents become a non-usage ability.

To conclude
, despite the high values and the effects of the
The character between 'body' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "body’s" (curly apostrophe) or "body's" (straight apostrophe).
body`s
shape, without practicing nothing will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and success will be far away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that in my opinion the impacts of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working are far outweighed.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some people believe that to be a successful sportsperson, one needs to have a natural ability. Others think that hard work and practice are more important. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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