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Some people believe that the society should be based on rules and laws. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that the society should be based on rules and laws. v. 1
In the contemporary world, some intellectual people envision their ideal society to be incorporated with certain rules and laws. While I stand with a neutral viewpoint on this argument considering the facts that it develops the ethical values in an individual, besides forbidding them from the outside world. One side of my thought process drives this essay on the positive note, as it develops the moral and ethical values in humans who lives in the lawful society. To substantiate this further, the society has diversified people living in it and certain rules and regulations have been carved out to keep them all intact. When an individual abides by the rules, they learn the ethical and moral values by progressing on the righteous path, as none of the rules would mislead a person. Thus, it is lucid that following a rule or a law motivates an individual to be a responsible citizen. Another side of my cerebral thinking compels me to consider the downsides as well, as people forbid themselves from the society. Having said that, a fearful individual who cannot keep up with the stressful rules and laws, goes into a state of depression, thereby, segregating themselves from the social interaction. Consequently, a person encloses himself with a least interactive world, fearing the rules and laws. To conclude, having considered the aforementioned reasons on both sides of my thought process, an individual who abides by the laws and rules will be blessed with a fruitful life as they tend to learn the moral and ethics, while there is also a harm of restricting the human interactive nature, as they fear to face the law.
In the contemporary world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
intellectual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
envision their ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to
be incorporated
with certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
. While I stand with a neutral viewpoint on this argument considering the facts that it develops the ethical values in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
,
besides
forbidding them from the outside world.

One side of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process drives this essay on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
note, as it develops the moral and ethical values in humans who
Did you mean "live"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'humans' should be used.
lives
in the lawful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. To substantiate this
further
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has diversified
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in it and certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and regulations have
been carved
out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them all intact. When an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
abides by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
, they learn the ethical and moral values by progressing on the righteous path, as none of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
would mislead a person.
Thus
, it is lucid that following a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
motivates an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to be a responsible citizen.

Another side of my cerebral thinking compels me to consider the downsides
as well
, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
forbid themselves from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Having said that, a fearful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
who cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
, goes into a state of depression, thereby, segregating themselves from the social interaction.
Consequently
, a person encloses himself with
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
least interactive world, fearing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and laws.

To conclude
, having considered the aforementioned reasons on both sides of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
who abides by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
will
be blessed
with a fruitful life as they tend to learn the moral and ethics, while there is
also
a harm of restricting the human interactive nature, as they fear to face the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Some people believe that the society should be based on rules and laws. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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