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Parents and teachers make many rules for children to encourage good behavior and protect them from danger. However, children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement? v.4

Parents and teachers make many rules for children to encourage good behavior and protect them from danger. However, children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom. with the statement? v. 4
It is the principal duty of parents and teachers to protect their children from dangers, instill good behavior and mold them into good individuals. They should adopt all possible means to work towards this purpose. Hence, putting some certain rules of behavior and limiting their freedom seems essential. To begin with, there are several reasons that ensure the need of rules in children’s life. Firstly, children are innocent and more vulnerable than adults and easily get attracted to various things which might be harmful in various ways. Thus, stricter rules ensure that children obey them and remain disciplined. This also helps them to concentrate on task allotted to them which ultimately results in better academic performance and good social behavior. Secondly, firm rules make children more cultured and well behaved finally leads them better human beings. In addition, restricting their freedom protects them from some evils in society, for example, smoking or drug addiction. Otherwise children get driven away from basic responsibility of getting good education. However, some advocates of child freedom assert that limiting children to some rules for their development may give risk to a dislike in them towards their family and school. This may also hinder their holistic development as the basic nature of kids to play and experiment is not fulfilled. Moreover, instead of imposing rules, parents and teachers should be well behaved to make their children like them. To conclude, children’s total freedom should not be snatched. However, imposing desired rules and giving required freedom would certainly mold children into better citizens. Moreover, children also stay protected from possible dangers.
It is the principal duty of parents and teachers to protect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
, instill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
behavior and mold them into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
individuals. They should adopt all possible means to work towards this purpose.
Hence
, putting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
of behavior and limiting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
seems essential.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons that ensure the need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are innocent and more vulnerable than adults and
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to various things which might be harmful in various ways.
Thus
, stricter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
obey them and remain disciplined. This
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to concentrate on task allotted to them which
ultimately
results in better academic performance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
social behavior.
Secondly
, firm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more cultured and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well behaved
finally
leads them better human beings.
In addition
, restricting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
protects them from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evils in society,
for example
, smoking or drug addiction.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
driven away from basic responsibility of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
education.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advocates of child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
assert that limiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
for their development may give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to a dislike in them towards their family and school. This may
also
hinder their holistic development as the basic nature of kids to play and experiment is not fulfilled.
Moreover
,
instead
of imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
, parents and teachers should be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well behaved
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like them.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
should not
be snatched
.
However
, imposing desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and giving required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
would
certainly
mold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
into better citizens.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
stay protected from possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Parents and teachers make many rules for children to encourage good behavior and protect them from danger. However, children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom. with the statement? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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