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Some people believe that the government should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? v.1

Some people believe that the government should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? v. 1
People have different opinions when it comes to providing financial support and attention to elderly people after retirement. While some people believe governments are accountable for assisting these individuals, others argue that individuals should plan their retirement ahead of time. However, in my opinion, governments could provide better support to the senior citizens of their country. In the past, most families supported their parents and grandparents during their old age, which is a fact that is changing in today's world. Now, more and more people try to avoid giving any support to their elders and this trend has been growing day by day. In this case, governments should make some effort to subsidize the cost of living for these old aged people, who could not earn money because of their higher age; furthermore, housing for the aged can be built at the cost of tax money, which could at least provide a comfortable shelter to these people. Consequently, senior citizens will not suffer due to poverty or homelessness. Undoubtedly, it is a good idea that people should also plan their retirement ahead of time to avoid suffering at a later age. However, it would be extremely difficult for people who earn a lesser income every month to save some money for their future. Even though a large sum of money could be saved for this purpose, no amount of money could assure a sustainable life. Governments could play an important role here to implement some saving systems which could make life easier for elderly people. Consequently, this will benefit senior citizens to live a happy life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to providing financial support and attention to elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
after retirement. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are accountable for assisting these individuals, others argue that individuals should plan their retirement ahead of time.
However
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
could provide better support to the senior citizens of their country.

In the past, most families supported their parents and grandparents during their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age, which is a fact
that is
changing in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to avoid giving any support to their elders and this trend has been growing day by day.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effort to subsidize the cost of living for these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who could not earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their higher age;
furthermore
, housing for the aged can
be built
at the cost of tax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, which could at least provide a comfortable shelter to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Consequently
, senior citizens will not suffer due to poverty or homelessness.

Undoubtedly
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
also
plan their retirement ahead of time to avoid suffering at a later age.
However
, it would be
extremely
difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who earn a lesser income every month to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their future.
Even though
a large sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could
be saved
for this purpose, no amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could assure a sustainable life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
could play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role here to implement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
saving systems which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life easier for elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Consequently
, this will benefit senior citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the government should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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