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Children’s should take part time job in their free time or they should totally focus on their studies. What fc are the advantages and disadvantages to children of doing so? v.1

Children’s should take part time job in their free time or they should totally focus on their studies. What fc are the advantages and disadvantages to children of doing so? v. 1
The tendency of working on a temporary basis after school or college hours is progressively increasing among a few teenagers. It is generally believed that these young people are even supported by their parents in this recent change. Although working in spare time may help them in gaining confidence and also in building a career later in their life, this trend, certainly, has some obvious drawbacks as well. This essay will discuss both pros and cons of this modern development. A job, be it part-time or a full-time job, offer lots of benefits to an individual. Firstly, it develops confidence in a person, which in turn helps in enhancing different skills such as communication skill, problem-solving, self-management and planning and organizing, most importantly. Provided with all these qualities in the early stage of life, a juvenile can become a responsible adult. Furthermore, a part-time job is a great opportunity. If a youngster is already experienced in terms of profession, he will be able to achieve a well deserved job with ease; consequently. A good illustration of this is my friend, after completion of her Masters, was able to receive a job offer, immediately, as she was referred by her previous employer with whom she had worked as a part-time employee. Thus, a spare time job can actually provide a person with numerous rewards, subsequently. However, students who choose to take a job after school hours are at many distinct disadvantages. First and foremost, these jobs can merely be done in the evening; hence, a child will be unable to get proper rest, which is highly essential for his mental wellness. Secondly, he will not be able to spend quality time with his parents and friends which is important for social growth. In addition, as a result of utilizing free time in a part-time job, instead of studying, will adversely affect his educational performance. Finally, physical activity, which plays a vital role in physical well-being of a person, will be ignored. Hence, this decision of working can be of a hindrance than a help. In conclusion, indulging a teenager in a part-time job during academic years may reward him with certain skills, making him extremely efficient; however, it can have detrimental impacts on the health of a child, his academic performance and also on his social life. On balance, I believe parents should not exhort their children to work as a temporary employee during their secondary and tertiary education as children deserve to enjoy their life to the fullest when they are still young. Therefore, before making a decision, both parents and children should think wisely.
The tendency of working on a temporary basis after school or college hours is
progressively
increasing among a few
teenagers
. It is
generally
believed that these young
people
are even supported by their
parents
in this recent
change
. Although working in spare
time
may
help
them in gaining confidence and
also
in building a career later in their
life
, this trend,
certainly
, has
some
obvious drawbacks
as well
. This essay will discuss both pros and cons of this modern development.

A
job
, be it part-time or a full-time
job
, offer lots of benefits to an individual.
Firstly
, it develops confidence in a person, which in turn
helps
in enhancing
different
skills
such as communication
skill
, problem-solving, self-management and planning and organizing, most
importantly
. Provided with all these qualities in the early stage of
life
, a juvenile can become a responsible adult.
Furthermore
, a part-time
job
is a great opportunity. If a youngster is already experienced in terms of profession, he will be able to achieve a well deserved
job
with
ease
;
consequently
. A
good
illustration of this is my friend, after completion of her Masters, was able to receive a
job
offer, immediately, as she
was referred
by her previous employer with whom she had worked as a part-time employee.
Thus
, a spare
time
job
can actually provide a person with numerous rewards,
subsequently
.

However
, students who choose to take a
job
after school hours are at
many
distinct disadvantages.
First
and foremost, these
jobs
can
merely
be done
in the evening;
hence
, a child will be unable to
get
proper rest, which is
highly
essential for his mental wellness.
Secondly
, he will not be able to spend quality
time
with his
parents
and friends which is
important
for social growth.
In addition
,
as a result
of utilizing free
time
in a part-time
job
,
instead
of studying, will
adversely
affect his educational performance.
Finally
, physical activity, which plays a vital role in physical well-being of a person, will be
ignored
.
Hence
, this decision of working can be of a hindrance than a
help
.

In conclusion
, indulging a
teenager
in a part-time
job
during academic years may reward him with certain
skills
, making him
extremely
efficient;
however
, it can have detrimental impacts on the health of a child, his academic performance and
also
on his social
life
. On balance, I believe
parents
should not exhort their children to work as a temporary employee during their secondary and tertiary education as children deserve to enjoy their
life
to the fullest when they are
still
young.
Therefore
,
before
making a decision, both
parents
and children should
think
wisely
.
23Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Children’s should take part time job in their free time or they should totally focus on their studies. What fc are the advantages and disadvantages to children of doing so? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
435 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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