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Some people believe that the government should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion?

Some people believe that the goverment sholud take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their retirement. What is your opinion? Is it a postive or negative development? v. 1
It is certainly true that old age people need extra care, attention, and love. Particularly, during their retired phase. Some people had perception that government should act as a caretaker for the senior people whereas, other believes it’s the duty of individual itself. I keep in mind both the views and will discuss my views accordingly in the upcoming paragraphs. To embark with, ministration should play a crucial role in taking care of retires. As the old people had devoted their whole life in support of the country by giving their, valuable time and skills in order to boost the economic growth of the country. So, it is the government duty to aid them with some financial support and in terms of pensions and subsidies. Moreover, in this fast pace of life it is common that the kids are getting separated from their parents and to overcome their loneliness government should provide a personal heath care assistant them. On the other hand, money tends to play a vital role in bad times. So, it is very significant for individual to do some savings for the future. In addition, government money is not quite enough to cover all the living expense as all people have different interests. Furthermore, some retirees do have some kind of future planning and to fulfil that, one cannot fully rely on government’s money. To conclude, both views should go hand in hand for a better future for senior citizens. Both are meant to be important in their way. However, I personally believe that the former outweighs the latter view and financial grant and other aids should be provided to the people for their better well-being.
It is
certainly
true that
old
age
people
need extra care, attention, and
love
.
Particularly
, during their retired phase.
Some
people
had perception that
government
should act as a caretaker for the senior
people
whereas, other believes it’s the duty of individual itself. I
keep
in mind both the
views
and will discuss my
views
accordingly
in the upcoming paragraphs.

To embark with, ministration should play a crucial role in taking care of retires. As the
old
people
had devoted their whole life in support of the country by giving their, valuable time and
skills
in order to boost the economic growth of the country.
So
, it is the
government
duty to aid them with
some
financial support and in terms of pensions and subsidies.
Moreover
, in this
fast
pace of life it is common that the kids are getting separated from their parents and to overcome their loneliness
government
should provide a personal heath care assistant them.

On the other hand
, money tends to play a vital role in
bad
times.
So
, it is
very
significant for individual to do
some
savings for the future.
In addition
,
government
money is not quite
enough
to cover all the living expense as all
people
have
different
interests.
Furthermore
,
some
retirees do have
some
kind of future planning and to fulfil that, one cannot
fully
rely on
government’s
money.

To conclude
, both
views
should go hand in hand for a better future for senior citizens. Both
are meant
to be
important
in their way.
However
, I
personally
believe that the former outweighs the latter
view
and financial grant and other aids should
be provided
to the
people
for their better well-being.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that the government should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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