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Some people believe that the government should support the funds for the arts, while some other people suggest that the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that the government should support the funds for the arts, while some other people suggest that the money should be used for public health and education. v. 1
Abide that many people think artistic activities are an indispensable part of their lives, some other people take into account the investment on arts is a waste of the government’s money because arts are less vital than other public services, such as healthcare and education systems. From my perspective, I believe that both arts and other public services are of great importance and cannot be underestimated. Those who suggest that the government’s funds should be allocated to arts activities may give their reasons as follows. Firstly, arts provide people with various means of entertainment and relieve their stress. To illustrate, people who have a fancy for artistic works will get immersed in creative endeavors, which help them to be amused and put aside their burdens temporarily. Furthermore, some artistic works which are created by ancient or eminent artists are invaluable assets of a country. Hence, the government has the obligation to preserve them. On the other hand, some people hold different viewpoints and argue that the government should focus their funds on public health and schooling, which seems to be able to bring more benefits to people’s welfare. For instance, if the government spends more money on the erection of school buildings and libraries, people will gain more access to proper education. Moreover, healthcare conditions are not satisfying in some countries. The shortage of medical resources makes it hard for people to receive treatment when they fall ill. No wonder some people believe it is an urgent need for the government to raise investment in the healthcare system. In conclusion, the improvement of public services and the construction of basic facilities are undoubtedly urgent issues that call for the government’s priorities. Nevertheless, the role of arts should not be neglected or denied, as arts are essential to the sound development of the society in the long term.
Abide that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
artistic activities are an indispensable part of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take into account the investment on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a waste of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are less vital than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services, such as healthcare and education systems. From my perspective, I believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services are of great importance and cannot
be underestimated
.

Those who suggest that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
funds should
be allocated
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "art".
arts
activities may give their reasons as follows.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with various means of entertainment and relieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have a fancy for artistic works will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
immersed in creative endeavors, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
be amused
and put aside their burdens
temporarily
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
artistic works which
are created
by ancient or eminent artists are invaluable assets of a country.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the obligation to preserve them.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
viewpoints and argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus their funds on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
health and schooling, which seems to be able to bring more benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
welfare.
For instance
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spends more money on the erection of school buildings and libraries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will gain more access to proper education.
Moreover
, healthcare conditions are not satisfying in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. The shortage of medical resources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to receive treatment when they fall ill. No wonder
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe it is an urgent need for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to raise investment in the healthcare system.

In conclusion
, the improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services and the construction of basic facilities are
undoubtedly
urgent issues that call for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
priorities.
Nevertheless
, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should not
be neglected
or denied, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are essential to the sound development of the society in the long term.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the government should support the funds for the arts, while some other people suggest that the money should be used for public health and education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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