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People aim to achieve balance between their work and lives. But few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problems? How to over come it? v.1

People aim to achieve balance between their work and lives. But few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problems? How to over come it? v. 1
It is claimed that keeping a work-life harmony for most people nowadays is just out of the question. This essay will point out reasons and solutions to takle with them. With the intensity of population explosion and the incessant rise of the market economy, most people seem to trap with the race to meet the social norm. In other words, to accommodate the desire of possessing certain valued properties such as housing, cars, facilities, an individual has to work harder for financial gains. Moreover, for those who after years of making great effort, that finally climb the ladder of success in their career, they are more likely to be attracted by the glory of the achievements and yearn for a higher self actualization. To fulfill such need, they inevitably become more reachable as a result of work extension and the increase in number of related personnels, which leads to a further sacrifice of their persnonal life for the exchange of their desirable social recognition. In order to overcome this issue, there are no other ways, but one’s will to set up a more reasonable timetable and schedule for their daily tasks. For example, instead of spending most of his or her being in the office, one can register a fitness or meditation class after work to boost their inner-self. Besides, they can also maintain some of their hobbies by sharing those with friends and family, especially in the weekends when most companies are off and undone tasks can be put aside until next Monday. In case, some people may still blame workloads as the culprit for their time loss, it is vital that they consult an expert of time managment so that they could acknowledge what to prioritize in their agenda. In conclusion, a compromise between material and spiritual life seems to be very challenging to accomplish due to several reasons belonging to modernization. However, time arrangement should be the key to any problems related to our social life.
It
is claimed
that keeping a work-life harmony for most
people
nowadays is
just
out of the question. This essay will point out reasons and solutions to
takle
with them.

With the intensity of population explosion and the incessant rise of the market economy, most
people
seem to trap with the race to
meet
the social norm.
In other words
, to accommodate the desire of possessing certain valued properties such as housing, cars, facilities, an individual
has to
work harder for financial gains.
Moreover
, for those who after years of making great effort, that
finally
climb the ladder of success in their career, they are more likely to
be attracted
by the glory of the achievements and yearn for a higher self actualization. To fulfill such need, they
inevitably
become more reachable
as a result
of work extension and the increase in number of related
personnels
, which leads to a
further
sacrifice of their
persnonal
life for the exchange of their desirable social recognition.

In order to overcome this issue, there are no other ways,
but
one’s will to set up a more reasonable timetable and schedule for their daily tasks.
For example
,
instead
of spending most of
his or her
being in the office, one can register a fitness or meditation
class
after work to boost their inner-self.
Besides
, they can
also
maintain
some
of their hobbies by sharing those with friends and family,
especially
in the weekends when most
companies
are off and undone tasks can
be put
aside until
next
Monday. In case,
some
people
may
still
blame workloads as the culprit for their time loss, it is vital that they consult an expert of time
managment
so
that they could acknowledge what to prioritize in their agenda.

In conclusion
, a compromise between material and spiritual life seems to be
very
challenging to accomplish due to several reasons belonging to modernization.
However
, time arrangement should be the key to any problems related to our social life.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay People aim to achieve balance between their work and lives. But few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problems? How to over come it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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