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Housing is essential for people. some argue that the government should offer free housing for people who can not afford it. do you agree or disagree with this statement v.4

Housing is essential for people. some argue that the government should offer free housing for people who can not afford it. v. 4
Many people believe that having a house to live is basic for civilians. Therefore, the government should provide a free housing when they are in troubles. Although the first reactions to some people is to oppose such claims, nonetheless, there are several reasons to concur with this statement. In the following paragraphs, there are some perspectives to discuss this issue more in-depth. Firstly, the main reason to support my position is that some family members are sick or they have too many kids. Take my friend, Frank, for example, his father is sick for years so that he cannot go for a job. Hence, his mother is the only one of the family who can work, since the kids are all studying in the schools. However, the rent is a heavy burden for them, so that they need to move every year. By that way, the children cannot have a good educational environment. From such examples, it demonstrates that some families do need help from the government to support a free housing. Also, another reason for my belief is that living costs in a city are too high for a freshman of the society to afford. For instance, my sister, Cindy, she graduated from a university last year, and she started a new job in Taipei. I heard she spent one half of her salary for the rent. Besides, she also needs to pay for tuition loan. Therefore, she cannot have any savings for future plans. Consequently, it can be said that if there are policies could provide these people free housing, then they could do more for the society. To conclude, it is not to say other points of view are totally without merits. Nevertheless, the reasons I have presented could support my position that the government could help some civilians to have a free housing for a period of their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
is basic for civilians.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
housing when they are in troubles. Although the
first
reactions to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
to oppose such claims, nonetheless, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to concur with this statement. In the following paragraphs, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
perspectives to discuss this issue more in-depth.

Firstly
, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to support my position is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
family members are
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sick or
they have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kids. Take my friend, Frank,
for example
, his father is sick for years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he cannot go for a job.
Hence
, his mother is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one of the family who can work, since the kids are all studying in the schools.
However
, the rent is a heavy burden for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
every year. By that way, the children cannot have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
educational environment. From such examples, it demonstrates that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families do need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to support a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
housing.

Also
, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for my belief is that living costs in a city are too high for a freshman of the society to afford.
For instance
, my sister, Cindy, she graduated from a university last year, and she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a new job in Taipei. I heard she spent one half of her salary for the rent.
Besides
, she
also
needs to pay for tuition loan.
Therefore
, she cannot have any savings for future plans.
Consequently
, it can
be said
that if there are policies could provide these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
housing, then they could do more for the society.

To conclude
, it is not to say other points of view are
totally
without merits.
Nevertheless
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
I have presented could support my position that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
civilians to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
housing for a period of their life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Housing is essential for people. some argue that the government should offer free housing for people who can not afford it. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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