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FOR SCHOOL CHILDREN THEIR TEACHERS HAVE MOE INFLUENCE ON THEIR INTELLIGENCE AND SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT THAN THEIR PARENTS. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE? v.1

FOR SCHOOL CHILDREN THEIR TEACHERS HAVE MOE INFLUENCE ON THEIR INTELLIGENCE AND SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT THAN THEIR PARENTS. v. 1
In the social and mental development of school-going children, their teachers and parents have serious impacts. It is highly disputed of whose influence is more on their intellectual level. It is thought by some people that teachers contribute much more to the child's development than his family. In my opinion, although teachers' positions and instruments are crucial, it cannot outrace the parents' role in terms of the intellectual advancement of their children. In the modern era, school-goings have been spending more than a half of their day in the educational institutes. This results in the interaction between the teacher and the child to be more often and maybe deeper than the child's immediate circle. Moreover, the teaching settings are designed to improve the students' intelligence through educating them, especially in the fields of mathematics and science. Also, play groups are created in kindergartens in order for the young ones to socialize by playing with each other. This beneficial education is done by a professional teaching team. Thereby, teachers play a vital part in the childrens' lives. For example, a survey conducted suggests that more than 40 percent of the young-aged men and women has indicated that they learnt most of the knowledge of life from their school teachers as their household have to go to work daily and came home tired. On the other hand, the parents have an undeniable influence on their offspring's intelligence. Before enrolling in a school, children are always next to their family who show them the distinction of the right and wrong and play games for hours. All these actions are carried out specifically for the children's improvement. In conclusion,  the children are influenced by their school teachers as well as home teachers which are their parents in honing their certain skills. Despite teachers have advantageous effects on improving the youth socially and intellectually it is an indisputable fact that parents play a more crucial role in bringing up their loved-ones and developing their important social and mind related skills.
In the social and mental development of school-going children, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have serious impacts. It is
highly
disputed of whose influence is more on their intellectual level. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
contribute much more to the child's development than his family. In my opinion, although teachers' positions and instruments are crucial, it cannot outrace the parents' role in terms of the intellectual advancement of their children.

In the modern era, school-goings have been spending more than a half of their day in the educational institutes. This results in the interaction between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and the child to be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
and maybe deeper than the child's immediate circle.
Moreover
, the teaching settings
are designed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the students' intelligence through educating them,
especially
in the fields of mathematics and science.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
groups
are created
in kindergartens in order for the young ones to socialize by playing with each other. This beneficial education
is done
by a professional teaching team. Thereby,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a vital part in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, a survey conducted suggests that more than 40 percent of the young-aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women has indicated that they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
most of the knowledge of life from their school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
as their household
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to work daily and came home tired.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have an undeniable influence on their offspring's intelligence.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
enrolling in a school, children are always
next
to their family who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them the distinction of the right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
games for hours. All these actions
are carried
out
specifically
for the children's improvement.

In conclusion
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the children
are influenced
by their school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
as well
as home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
which are their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in honing their certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have advantageous effects on improving the youth
socially
and
intellectually
it is an indisputable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a more crucial role in bringing up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
-ones and developing their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
social and mind related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay FOR SCHOOL CHILDREN THEIR TEACHERS HAVE MOE INFLUENCE ON THEIR INTELLIGENCE AND SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT THAN THEIR PARENTS. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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