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Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed ( damaged ) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.3

Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed ( damaged ) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3
Since the appearance of humans on the earth, they have changed their environment to survive and live in a higher life standards. While some people believe that human activities make globe a better habitat, the others opine that the earth has been invaded and destroyed by people. In my opinion, the earth has been irreversibly damaged by people. On the one hand, building new big cities with concrete and muds brings about a huge environmental problem namely desertification. In other words, urbanisation created many deserts all around the world where people live in. For example, Istanbul, in which more than sixteen million habitants live, is one of the barren and largest city of the globe. Some satellite photos has proved that it has become more arid as a result of uncontrolled urbanisation and cut down of forests. Hence, one of the basic activities of human, building a shelter for a living demolish forests and leads to increase in the amount of bare areas in the world. Besides, human activities such as driving, farming and building plants boom the greenhouse effect. To put simply, from breathing to emission of gas fumes creates carbon dioxide which in turns raises the globe temperatures and eventually global warming. For instance, according to a report in Financial Times, the source of greenhouse gases released from human activities has doubled in the past two decades in all over the world. Thus, human activities has a harmful effect for the nature. In conclusion, in spite of that human being struggle to make earth better place for survival, some people claim that it hurts natural treasury. In my point of view, people destroy their planet while thinking that they are doing best for themselves.
Since the appearance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their environment to survive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a higher life standards. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
globe a better habitat, the others opine that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
has
been invaded
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
has been
irreversibly
damaged by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, building new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities with concrete and
Possible spelling mistake found.
muds
brings about a huge environmental problem
namely
desertification.
In other words
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
deserts all around the world where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
For example
, Istanbul, in which more than sixteen million habitants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, is one of the barren and largest city of the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
satellite photos has proved that it has become more arid
as a result
of uncontrolled
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down of forests.
Hence
, one of the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
, building a shelter for a living demolish forests and leads to increase in the amount of bare areas in the world.

Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as driving, farming and building plants boom the greenhouse effect. To put
simply
, from breathing to emission of gas fumes creates carbon dioxide which in turns raises the globe temperatures and
eventually
global warming.
For instance
, according to a report in Financial Times, the source of greenhouse gases released from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
has doubled in the past two decades in all over the world.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
has a harmful effect for the nature.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being
Consider using a past participle here: "struggled".
struggle
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
better place for survival,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that it hurts natural treasury. In my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their planet while thinking that they are doing best for themselves.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed ( damaged ) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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