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Some people believe that it is impossible to help everyone in need around the world That is why governments should only focus on helping people of their own country To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement Give your own opinion and rele v.2

Some people believe that it is impossible to help everyone in need around the world That is why governments should only focus on helping people of their own country with this statement Give your own opinion and rele v. 2
Helping others is supposed to be the best trait of mankind. Therefore, most of the nations are stepping forward to assist each other. Presently, it has been a burning issue whether administrations should take initiative to help people of other nations or focus on the needs of masses in their home countries. Here, i would like to discord with the given statement. There are multifarious points to shore up my view. First and foremost, assistance given to other nations bridges the gap among countries. To be specific, many prosperous countries assisted Japan' s people who became the victim of tsunami. More significantly, thriving and under developed nations also made a sizeable contribution to prevent the down trodden people. As a result, it develops the sense of fraternity among nations which is imperative for the peace of whole world. What is more, affluent countries are able to support people worldwide due to their financial prosperity. Hence, it is essential to provide social and economic aids to the victims for sake of mankind. Further emphasizing on my point of view, the approach towards helping others is defined by the attitudes towards humanity instead of taking own conditions into consideration. To demonstrate, people of every nation can contribute social, economic or food help to the victims if they give more priority to humanity instead of self-centred approach. All of above, countries must promote to be the helping hand of each other for the safety, progress and wealth of their people during the critical times. By contrast, opposite wind is also there. Others claim that the number of problems is exceeding in every nation. Thus, every administration is not in a position to help other people and therefore they are busy to pay attention to the problems of native people. Furthermore, the policy of helping every needy person in the world could lead to social, economic and financial burden. To encapsulate, it is universally acknowledged that ' it is had to please everyone' . However, taking care of every civilisation ought to be the motto of every government to evolve harmony, tranquility and true humanity.
Helping others
is supposed
to be the best trait of mankind.
Therefore
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are stepping forward to assist each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Presently
, it has been a burning issue whether administrations should take initiative to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
or focus on the needs of masses in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Here,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would like to discord with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement.

There are multifarious points to shore up my view.
First
and foremost, assistance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
bridges the gap among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. To be specific,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
assisted
Possible spelling mistake found.
Japan&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who became the victim of tsunami. More
significantly
, thriving and under developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
also
made a sizeable contribution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the down trodden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, it develops the sense of fraternity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
which is imperative for the peace of whole world.
What is more
, affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are able to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worldwide due to their financial prosperity.
Hence
, it is essential to provide social and economic aids to the victims for sake of mankind.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
emphasizing on my point of view, the approach towards helping others
is defined
by the attitudes towards humanity
instead
of taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
conditions into consideration. To demonstrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
can contribute social, economic or food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the victims if they give more priority to humanity
instead
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-centred
approach.
Consider using "All above" or "All of the above".
All of above
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
promote to be the helping hand of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
for the safety, progress and wealth of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
during the critical times. By contrast, opposite wind is
also
there.

Others claim that the number of problems is exceeding in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Thus
, every administration is not in a position to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
therefore
they are busy to pay attention to the problems of native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, the policy of helping every needy person in the world could lead to social, economic and financial burden.

To encapsulate, it is
universally
acknowledged that ' it is
Did you mean "hard"?
had
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
Possible spelling mistake found.
everyone&
#039;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
However
, taking care of every
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
ought to be the motto of every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to evolve harmony, tranquility and true humanity.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is impossible to help everyone in need around the world That is why governments should only focus on helping people of their own country with this statement Give your own opinion and rele v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
351 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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