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Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed ( damaged ) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed ( damaged ) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Many students are often seen following the trend of having a gap year between secondary and tertiary education. Students get a chance to experience the real world during that time period, but there are also some drawbacks to be taken into account. Firstly, one benefit of children having a year off before going to university is that they get an opportunity of experiencing the real world. For instance, children can work during their gap year and gain some essential skills of life, such as managing finances and dealing with people. Secondly, students get time to figure out and decide what they are really interested to learn, and this makes it easy for them to choose subjects for university education. Thirdly, a year off from studies to aid students to relax their mind and get ready to learn new academic concepts. On the other hand, one problem of having a year off results in the loss of their learning skills. Many students lose their ability of gaining knowledge, which they have acquired through the school years. Hence, they perform worse when they go to universities. Moreover, some students get distracted from the plan of going to university and study further because they think it is a better idea to make money and live independently, instead of going for higher education. Students fail to realize the importance of university education as well as its benefits over the long run. In conclusion, while having a year off after school has some benefits, it can also lead to loss of learning skills for many, and could also divert much from the idea of studying after school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
following the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
between secondary and tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to experience the real world during that time period,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to
be taken
into account.

Firstly
, one benefit of children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity of experiencing the real world.
For instance
, children can work during their gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of life, such as managing finances and dealing with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to figure out and decide what they are
really
interested to learn, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easy for them to choose subjects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Thirdly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
from studies to aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to relax their mind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready to learn new academic concepts.

On the other hand
, one problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
results in the loss of their learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
lose their ability of gaining knowledge, which they have acquired through the school years.
Hence
, they perform worse when they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted from the plan of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and study
further
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
,
instead
of going for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
fail to realize the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as well
as its benefits over the long run.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
after school has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, it can
also
lead to loss of learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, and could
also
divert much from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of studying after school.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed ( damaged ) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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