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Some people believe that the earth is being harmed by human activity. Other feels that human activity make the earth a better place to live. v.1

Some people believe that the earth is being harmed by human activity. Other feels that human activity make the earth a better place to live. v. 1
It has always been an important issue for parents to keep their children busy. However, while some argue that children should learn to keep themselves occupied, I strongly believe that it is parents’ responsibility to guide and help their off-springs to participate in pre-organised group activities in their free time. On the one hand, it could be argued that children should devise some entertainment for themselves. It is said that when children invent some activity to get rid of the boredom of holidays they find it more rewarding. For instance, children who decide to do arts and crafts in their leisure time usually enjoy it a lot and become more productive and creative in their chosen skills. Children who have to discover something for themselves are said to have better decision making and critical thinking as they have to think and make decisions for themselves. On the other hand, I wholeheartedly believe that parents should guide their children to stay occupied and entertained. Children who are left on their own are at the risk of getting misdirected. Without parental guidance there is a high probability that children might indulge in activities that can be more damaging than being productive. It has been seen that children who are not placed in summer camps usually end-up watching cartoons the whole summer, and teens usually opt to hover around and smoke with their friends. In contrast, if these young people are enrolled in some activity, such as swimming or skating clubs, not only will they learn new skills but will also be safe from the bad company. In short, although giving autonomy to young people to devise some activity for themselves may make them productive and creative, the risk of getting trapped in a bad company and getting astray outweighs these small benefits. Thus, on balance, I agree that it is parents who should enrol their children in grouped activities during vacations.
It has always been an
important
issue for
parents
to
keep
their
children
busy.
However
, while
some
argue that
children
should learn to
keep
themselves occupied, I
strongly
believe that it is
parents’
responsibility to guide and
help
their off-springs to participate in
pre-organised
group
activities
in their free time.

On the one hand, it could
be argued
that
children
should devise
some
entertainment for themselves. It
is said
that when
children
invent
some
activity
to
get
rid of the boredom of holidays they find it more rewarding.
For instance
,
children
who
decide to do arts and crafts in their leisure time
usually
enjoy it a lot and become more productive and creative in their chosen
skills
.
Children
who
have to
discover something for themselves
are said
to have better
decision making
and critical thinking as they
have to
think
and
make
decisions for themselves.

On the other hand
, I
wholeheartedly
believe that
parents
should guide their
children
to stay occupied and entertained.
Children
who
are
left
on their
own
are at the
risk
of getting misdirected. Without parental guidance there is a high probability that
children
might indulge in
activities
that can be more damaging than being productive. It has been
seen
that
children
who
are not placed in summer camps
usually
end
-up watching cartoons the whole summer, and teens
usually
opt to hover around and smoke with their friends.
In contrast
, if these young
people
are enrolled
in
some
activity
, such as swimming or skating clubs, not
only
will they learn new
skills
but
will
also
be safe from the
bad
company
.

In short, although giving autonomy to young
people
to devise
some
activity
for themselves may
make
them productive and creative, the
risk
of getting trapped in a
bad
company
and getting astray outweighs these
small
benefits.
Thus
, on balance, I
agree
that it is
parents
who
should enrol their
children
in grouped
activities
during vacations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the earth is being harmed by human activity. Other feels that human activity make the earth a better place to live. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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