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Some people believe that the earth is being harmed by human activity. Other feels that human activity make the earth a better place to live. v.1

Some people believe that the earth is being harmed by human activity. Other feels that human activity make the earth a better place to live. v. 1
It has always been an important issue for parents to keep their children busy. However, while some argue that children should learn to keep themselves occupied, I strongly believe that it is parents’ responsibility to guide and help their off-springs to participate in pre-organised group activities in their free time. On the one hand, it could be argued that children should devise some entertainment for themselves. It is said that when children invent some activity to get rid of the boredom of holidays they find it more rewarding. For instance, children who decide to do arts and crafts in their leisure time usually enjoy it a lot and become more productive and creative in their chosen skills. Children who have to discover something for themselves are said to have better decision making and critical thinking as they have to think and make decisions for themselves. On the other hand, I wholeheartedly believe that parents should guide their children to stay occupied and entertained. Children who are left on their own are at the risk of getting misdirected. Without parental guidance there is a high probability that children might indulge in activities that can be more damaging than being productive. It has been seen that children who are not placed in summer camps usually end-up watching cartoons the whole summer, and teens usually opt to hover around and smoke with their friends. In contrast, if these young people are enrolled in some activity, such as swimming or skating clubs, not only will they learn new skills but will also be safe from the bad company. In short, although giving autonomy to young people to devise some activity for themselves may make them productive and creative, the risk of getting trapped in a bad company and getting astray outweighs these small benefits. Thus, on balance, I agree that it is parents who should enrol their children in grouped activities during vacations.
It has always been an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
busy.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves occupied, I
strongly
believe that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
responsibility to guide and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their off-springs to participate in
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-organised
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their free time.

On the one hand, it could
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should devise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
entertainment for themselves. It
is said
that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
invent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of the boredom of holidays they find it more rewarding.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
decide to do arts and crafts in their leisure time
usually
enjoy it a lot and become more productive and creative in their chosen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
discover something for themselves
are said
to have better
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
and critical thinking as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions for themselves.

On the other hand
, I
wholeheartedly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to stay occupied and entertained.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
are at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of getting misdirected. Without parental guidance there is a high probability that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might indulge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that can be more damaging than being productive. It has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not placed in summer camps
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
-up watching cartoons the whole summer, and teens
usually
opt to hover around and smoke with their friends.
In contrast
, if these young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are enrolled
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, such as swimming or skating clubs, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will they learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
be safe from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In short, although giving autonomy to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to devise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for themselves may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them productive and creative, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of getting trapped in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and getting astray outweighs these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
benefits.
Thus
, on balance, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should enrol their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in grouped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during vacations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people believe that the earth is being harmed by human activity. Other feels that human activity make the earth a better place to live. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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