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Some people believe that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others think that this has little effects and measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others think that this has little effects and measures are required. v. 2
People hold different views about whether an increasing number of sports facilities come in handy to improve public health or this method is not very effective and it requires measures. From my standpoint, the better the sports conveniences where, the better the public health there. It has been proven that people can improve health of themselves without sports facilities. For instance, they can be much healthier if they avoid eating too much junk food. If he or she is inclined to eat meals that are rich in vitamins or go to the doctor's on a regular basis with the aim of increasing his or her condition, they definitely manage to do it irrespective of what sport facilities created by governments. Additionally, some inhabitants may be incapable of making a full use of the conveniences since they are not able to afford to them. In that case, despite what conditions, authorities create in order to ameliorate the health of people, they turn out to be less efficient. However, no sooner do authorities constitute sports facilities, then they will reap benefits from them. Above all, inhabitants provided with enough conditions to do sports activities can improve their fitness. Clearly indicating, locals, especially youngsters who are dynamic and energetic are not enabled to join in sports centres if special conveniences are not available in the area where they live in, as a result, they become deprived of making profits from conveniences supplied. Thus, a lack of opportunities may appear as an obstacle to have a healthy lifestyle. A wide range of sports clubs urges people to go to there and people become prone to do exercise as well as living in a healthy way of life. To summarize, ignoring some alternatives, giving a rise to the number of sport conveniences is a good way to improve public health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in handy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
or this method is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective and it requires measures. From my standpoint, the better the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conveniences
where, the better the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
there.

It has
been proven
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of themselves without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.
For instance
, they can be much healthier if they avoid eating too much junk food. If he or she
is inclined
to eat meals that are rich in vitamins or go to the doctor's on a regular basis with the aim of increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
condition, they definitely manage to do it irrespective of what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities created by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inhabitants may be incapable of making a full
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conveniences
since they are not able to afford to them.
In that case
, despite what conditions, authorities create in order to ameliorate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they turn out to be less efficient.

However
, no sooner do authorities constitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities, then they will reap benefits from them.
Above all
, inhabitants provided with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
conditions to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their fitness.
Clearly
indicating, locals,
especially
youngsters who are dynamic and energetic are not enabled to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
if special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conveniences
are not available in the area where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in,
as a result
, they become deprived of making profits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conveniences
supplied.
Thus
, a lack of opportunities may appear as an obstacle to have a healthy lifestyle. A wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs urges
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
There isn't usually a preposition before "there". Did you mean "go there"?
go to there
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become prone to do exercise
as well
as living
Consider replacing "in a healthy way" with the adverb for "healthy"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a healthy way
of life.

To summarize
, ignoring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
alternatives, giving a rise to the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conveniences
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others think that this has little effects and measures are required. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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