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Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but may also have a negative impact on others. To what extent is this style of management effective? Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard? v.5

Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but may also have a negative impact on others. Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard? v. 5
SOME OF THE INDUSTRIES THINK THAT IF THEY PAY MORE TO THEIR WORKERS THEN THEY WILL WORK HARD. I BELIEVE, THIS IS NOT AN EFFECTIVE WAY OF MANAGING WORK BECAUSE IT CAN HAVE SOME NEGATIVE EFFECTS FOR OTHER EMPLOYEES AND THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER APPROACHES FOR FORCING THEM SUCH AS HIGH POSITIONS, OFFERING MORE HOLIDAYS AND PAYING THEIR TRAVELLING. NOWADAYS, PEOPLE CANNOT BE FORCED TO PUT AN EFFORT FOR WORK BY INCREASING THEIR WAGES. THIS SYSTEM COULD BE AFFECT NEGATIVELY ON OTHER WORKERS. IF AN INTELLIGENT PERSON WORK HARD AND PAID MORE BY A COMPANY THEN THIS COULD CREATE MISUNDERSTANDINGS BETWEEN PEOPLE WHO WORK IN A GROUP. IN THIS WAY, ANY ORGANIZATION CAN LOSE OTHER MEMBERS WHICH COULD LEAD TO CLOSE THE WHOLE INDUSTRY DUE TO THE DECREASING NUMBER FOR STAFFS. HOWEVER, I THINK THIS IS NOT A GOOD WAY OF MANAGING WORKFORCE. THERE ARE VARIOUS OTHERS. COMPANNIES COULD OFFER HIGH POST TO THOSE WHO ARE MORE INTELLIGENT. FOR EXAMPLE, AT MY JOB THESE PEOPLE HAVE HIGH POSITIONS LIKE CAPTAIN, VISE CAPTAIN WHIVH REALISE TO THEM OF THEIR DUTIES AND THEY WORK HARDLY. SECOND, GIVING THEM MORE HOLIDAYS AND PAYING FOR THEIR COMMUTES WHILE THEY TRAVEL FOR WORK ARE BOTH EFFECTIVE WAYS TO HANDLE THIS SYSTEM. TO SUMMARIZE, PEOPLE WHO THINK THAT, PRIZE OF RISING MONEY IS GOOD APPROACH TO GET MORE WORK FROM EMPLOYEES FOR ANY INDUSTRY OR ORGANIZATION COULD CREATE MISUNDERSTANDINGS WORKING TOGETHER. THEY CAN LOSE THEIR WORKERS. I THINK, PAYING FOR DAYS OFF AND THEIR TRAVELS IS MUCH BETTER.
If the text is a generality, 'OF THE' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
SOME OF THE
INDUSTRIES
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
THINK
THAT IF THEY PAY MORE TO THEIR WORKERS THEN THEY WILL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HARD
. I BELIEVE, THIS IS NOT AN EFFECTIVE WAY OF MANAGING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
IT CAN HAVE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
NEGATIVE
EFFECTS FOR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
EMPLOYEES AND THERE ARE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
APPROACHES FOR FORCING THEM SUCH AS HIGH POSITIONS, OFFERING MORE HOLIDAYS AND PAYING THEIR TRAVELLING.

NOWADAYS,
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PEOPLE
CANNOT
BE FORCED
TO PUT AN EFFORT FOR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
BY INCREASING THEIR WAGES. THIS SYSTEM COULD BE AFFECT
NEGATIVELY
ON
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
WORKERS. IF AN INTELLIGENT PERSON
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HARD
AND PAID MORE BY A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
COMPANY
Did you mean "than"?
THEN
THIS COULD CREATE MISUNDERSTANDINGS BETWEEN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
WHO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
IN A GROUP. IN THIS WAY, ANY ORGANIZATION CAN LOSE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
MEMBERS WHICH COULD LEAD TO CLOSE THE WHOLE INDUSTRY DUE TO THE DECREASING NUMBER FOR STAFFS.

HOWEVER
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
THINK
THIS IS NOT A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
WAY OF MANAGING WORKFORCE. THERE ARE VARIOUS OTHERS.
Possible spelling mistake found.
COMPANNIES
COULD OFFER HIGH POST TO THOSE WHO ARE MORE INTELLIGENT.
FOR EXAMPLE
, AT MY JOB THESE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
HAVE HIGH POSITIONS LIKE CAPTAIN, VISE CAPTAIN
Possible spelling mistake found.
WHIVH
Possible spelling mistake. 'REALISE' is British English.
REALISE
TO THEM OF THEIR DUTIES AND THEY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
HARDLY. SECOND, GIVING THEM MORE HOLIDAYS AND PAYING FOR THEIR COMMUTES WHILE THEY TRAVEL FOR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
ARE BOTH EFFECTIVE WAYS TO HANDLE THIS SYSTEM.

TO SUMMARIZE
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
WHO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
THINK
THAT, PRIZE OF RISING MONEY IS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
APPROACH TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
MORE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
FROM EMPLOYEES FOR ANY INDUSTRY OR ORGANIZATION COULD CREATE MISUNDERSTANDINGS WORKING TOGETHER. THEY CAN LOSE THEIR WORKERS. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
THINK
, PAYING FOR DAYS OFF AND THEIR TRAVELS IS MUCH BETTER.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but may also have a negative impact on others. Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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