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Some people believe that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others think that this has little effects and measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others think that this has little effects and measures are required. v. 1
There are those who argued that building more sporting facilities is the most effective way to improve public health; however, others think that playing a sport or building more sport clubs are not enough. According to them, other measures are required to ensure public health. I do admit that sports are beneficial for health, but in my opinion people also need to follow a healthy diet and a healthy lifestyle. On the one hand, constructing sport facilities not only beneficial to health of the public, but also helps to create a better future. The first and conceivably the most obvious reason is that training with sport can be as a good job because people can achieve something such as medals, prizes and money by taking part in the championships, while training with as a hobby or just to be healthy. Secondly, if there are easy-to-reach local sport centres, we would be more likely to make exercise a regular part of our lives than just collapsing in front of a screen every day. Finally, I think that, building more and more gyms in arenas can reduce the number of heart diseases and other diseases and it able to help us to live long. Regardless of the above mentioned explanations, I would argue that Ensuring sports facilities to citizens is a good idea but inadequate to develop public health. The most important point to consider that the use of sports facilities is limited by time, season and location. Therefore, all people cannot get the benefits of it, particularly working people who work from 9 to 5. The second effective way to improve public health is a balanced diet, cleanliness and medical check up. Moreover, if people can avoid from drinking alcohol, tablets and junk food, there would not be any needs to going sport centres. In conclusion, it is in my belief that government should not only build the sports facilities but also should educate public to choose the healthy living.
There are those who argued that building more sporting facilities is the most effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
;
however
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that playing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
clubs are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. According to them, other measures
are required
to ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. I do admit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
need to follow a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.

On the one hand, constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to create a better future. The
first
and
conceivably
the most obvious reason is that training with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can be as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can achieve something such as medals, prizes and money by taking part in the championships, while training with as a hobby or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
Secondly
, if there are easy-to-reach local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, we would be more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
exercise a regular part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
collapsing in front of a screen every day.
Finally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, building more and more gyms in arenas can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of heart diseases and other diseases and
Did you mean "it is" or "it was"?
it
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
long.

Regardless of the above mentioned explanations, I would argue that Ensuring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities to citizens is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
inadequate to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point to consider that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
is limited
by time, season and location.
Therefore
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the benefits of it,
particularly
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work from 9 to 5. The second effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is a balanced diet, cleanliness and medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
up.
Moreover
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can avoid from drinking alcohol, tablets and junk food, there would not be any needs to going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.

In conclusion
, it is in my belief that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
build the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
should educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
living.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others think that this has little effects and measures are required. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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