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some people believe that television programmes are of no real value for children. how far do you agree or disagree? v.1

some people believe that television programmes are of no real value for children. how far v. 1
Part of the society is of belief that tv programs are of no actually beneficial for younger generation. The factors which have contribute to this statement are that addiction and bad content which are broadcasting through the television. I partially agrees with the above statement because, television programs provide respectable education programs as well as quality entertainment for children. There are many reasons why tv programs are not beneficial for the children. Such as addiction and inappropriate content. The problems which followed by the addiction are that the children are waste time and they will deprive the interest in studies. They won’t be able to interact with social activities. Furthermore, since they are vulnerable they will easily catch up inappropriate behaviors. For example sex content, violence and foul language. To illustrate above facts, tv series like game of thrones have broadcasted so much of sexual and violence content. the prospective consequences are that they can develop health issues such as vision problems due to the addiction, mental issues due to heavy inappropriate content. Moreover they will become more violent and become bullies in the society. On the other hand there are positive impacts of youngsters watching television. These positive causes are that, there are many educational programs which are more beneficial for children. In addition there are quality entertainment programs which are more suitable for children. By following such programs children may gain more knowledge and spend quality time. For instance if they watch animal planet they will improve their observational skills. In conclusion being expose to violence and addicted to tv programs will result in children developing bad habits and health issues. If they use it for educational purposes and quality entertainment it will result, improving observational skills and general knowledge. This writer partially agrees that tv programs are of no real value for children.
Part of the society is of belief that
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are of no actually beneficial for younger generation. The factors which have
Use past participle here: "contributed".
contribute
to this statement are that addiction and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
which are broadcasting through the television. I
partially
Possible agreement error -- use base form here: "agree".
agrees
with the above statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
provide respectable education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
entertainment for children.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are not beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Such as addiction and inappropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
. The problems which followed by the addiction are that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are waste
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they will deprive the interest in studies. They won’t be able to interact with social activities.
Furthermore
, since they are vulnerable they will
easily
catch up inappropriate behaviors.
For example
sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
, violence and foul language. To illustrate above facts,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
series like
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
game of thrones
have broadcasted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much of sexual and violence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
prospective consequences are that they can develop health issues such as vision problems due to the addiction, mental issues due to heavy inappropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
they will become more violent and become bullies in the society.

On the other hand
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts of youngsters watching television. These
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
causes are that, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which are more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which are more suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. By following such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may gain more knowledge and spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
time.
For instance
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
animal planet they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their observational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
being
Consider using a past participle here: "exposed".
expose
to violence and addicted to
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
will result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits and health issues. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for educational purposes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
entertainment it will result, improving observational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and general knowledge. This writer
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are of no real value for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay some people believe that television programmes are of no real value for children. how far v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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