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SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE GOVERNMENT IS WASTING MONEY ON THE ARTS AND THAT THIS MONEY COULD BE BETTER SPENT ELSEWHERE. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE WITH THIS VIEW? v.7

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE GOVERNMENT IS WASTING MONEY ON THE ARTS AND THAT THIS MONEY COULD BE BETTER SPENT ELSEWHERE. v. 7
Arts is a treasure of the nation. Investing some amount of finance in beautifying the nation has highly appreciated by citizens and visitors. Yet some considered this as a waste of funds wherein they believe this should be a wiser decision if the government planned this money to invest somewhere else. This essay will argue why keeping aside some budget for the country’s arts and crafts is far beneficial than the claim made. Firstly, the authorities should consider this as an opportunity to attract more tourists in their home country. Places like historical monuments, temples, museums, etc. be the major tourist destinations whereas painted buildings, roads and streets are also enjoyed by tourists and have been proven as the most picturesque destinations. Such as the European countries are quite popular with their scenery, and colourful houses and paths. Therefore, allocating money for these resources has proved to be an income rather than a financial burden. Secondly, spending proper funds as per the priorities to the sectors has proved a proper way of management which gives a smooth flow to the assigned budget and improves the financial strength of the country. Was this a false promise and has it not managed to prove the benefits as expected of investing the money in historical arts and crafts? Moreover, such an argument is still a more debatable point. For example, a recent study by an environmentalist of Nepal has proved that the number of sight viewers was dropped earlier by 20% for the Janki Temple but soon noticed a considerable rise when the government re-innovated the temple with more colours and decorations. Hence, visual arts and designs seem more attractive and are an important factor to be considered on priority level. To conclude, the public enjoys the beauty and decoration of popular tourist destinations. This essay argued why it is not a waste of money to allocate the fund of national arts. I am a strong advocate of this belief and consider the fact that the visual arts attract more scenic lovers and benefits the government bodies of proper fund management within a small budget.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
is a treasure of the nation. Investing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of finance in beautifying the nation has
highly
appreciated by citizens and visitors.
Yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considered this as a waste of funds wherein they believe this should be a wiser decision if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
planned this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to invest somewhere else. This essay will argue why keeping aside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
budget for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and crafts is far
Use "(beneficial)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
beneficial
than the claim made.

Firstly
, the authorities should consider this as an opportunity to attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Places like historical monuments, temples, museums, etc. be the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
destinations whereas painted buildings, roads and streets are
also
enjoyed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
and have
been proven
as the most picturesque destinations. Such as the European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are quite popular with their scenery, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and paths.
Therefore
, allocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for these resources has proved to be an income
rather
than a financial burden.

Secondly
, spending proper funds as per the priorities to the sectors has proved a proper way of management which gives a smooth flow to the assigned budget and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the financial strength of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Was this a false promise and has it not managed to prove the benefits as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
of investing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and crafts?
Moreover
, such an argument is
still
a more debatable point.
For example
, a recent study by an environmentalist of Nepal has proved that the number of sight viewers
was dropped
earlier by 20% for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Janki
Temple
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
noticed a considerable rise when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
re-innovated the temple with more
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
and decorations.
Hence
, visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and designs seem more attractive and are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor to
be considered
on priority level.

To conclude
, the public enjoys the beauty and decoration of popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
destinations. This essay argued why it is not a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to allocate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
of national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. I am a strong advocate of this belief and consider the fact that the visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
attract more scenic lovers and benefits the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
bodies of proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
management within a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
budget.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE GOVERNMENT IS WASTING MONEY ON THE ARTS AND THAT THIS MONEY COULD BE BETTER SPENT ELSEWHERE. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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