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Some people believe that Technology such as mobile phones, cell phones are destroying social interaction. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

In the contemporary era, many people are of the view that smartphones are damaging social interaction. In my opinion, although mobile phones have been beneficial for introverts, it has a major negative impact on the social life of people. Those who favour usage of mobile phones point out that it has opened people who generally shy away from other people. Activities on smartphones such as social media and group chats are helpful to people who want to take baby steps into forging friend or open to other people. For example, a new student in a school may fear to start a conservation with other classmates or take part in group studies but could make them make friends first on social media website such as Facebook and start to chat without being vulnerable in a face to face conversation. Despite the aforementioned view, I believe smartphones hindering people to make new relationships. Most of the people are usually busy with there smartphones whether there are alone or are in the group because of entertainment provide by the phones is very lucrative. People nowadays generally do not consider talking to other people fulfilling enough would rather choose to watch a movie or a serial on Netflix or play addictive games on phones. A very good example of this would long train journeys, earlier people use to talk, tell stories and jokes to other passengers and forge friendships but these days they prefer to stare at the screens. In conclusion, I agree that smartphones are jeopardising social relationships. People should be mindful about their mobile phone and internet usage and check if they are prioritising scrolling their social feeds over real relationships.
In the contemporary era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the view that smartphones are damaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction. In my opinion, although mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have been beneficial for introverts, it has a major
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Those who
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favour’ is British English.
favour
usage of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
point out that it has opened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
generally
shy away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Activities on smartphones such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media and group chats are helpful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to take baby steps into forging friend or open to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, a new student in a school may fear to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a conservation with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
classmates or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in group studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends
first
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media website such as Facebook and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to chat without being vulnerable in a face to face conversation.

Despite the aforementioned view, I believe smartphones hindering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new relationships. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
usually
busy with
Did you mean “their”?
there
smartphones whether there are alone or are in the group
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of entertainment provide by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lucrative.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
nowadays
generally
do not consider talking to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fulfilling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
would
rather
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a movie or a serial on Netflix or play addictive games on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this would long train journeys, earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Make sure that ‘use to’ is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean ‘accustomed to’, use “used to”.
use to
talk,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
stories and jokes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
passengers and forge friendships
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these days they prefer to stare at the screens.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that smartphones are
Possible spelling mistake. ‘jeopardising’ is British English.
jeopardising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
relationships.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should be mindful about their mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and internet usage and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
if they are
Possible spelling mistake. ‘prioritising’ is British English.
prioritising
scrolling their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
feeds over real relationships.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that smart phones are destroying social interactions today. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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