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Some people say industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, others say industrial growth creates environmental problems. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, others say industrial growth creates environmental problems. v. 1
Some people may argue that industrial rise plays a crucial role in reducing poverty. Others may sustain the point of view that industrial growth can harm the environment and, therefore, should not be encouraged. In my opinion, the disadvantages of industrial growth outweigh the advantages. This essay will discuss both viewpoints. On the one hand, one may argue that industrial rise can assist in the poverty reduction because of the new jobs that will be generated. In other words, with more industries, new jobs will be created in order to provide all the necessary labor for the companies. Therefore, unemployed persons, which may be in a vulnerable situation without any salary, could get a job that would, consequently, improve their lives. In these cases, poverty would be reduced based on industrial growth. On the other hand, more industries would require more raw material and would produce more industrial waste. Both cases have a direct impact on the environment. In the former case, the need for more raw material could lead to severe problems related to the environment, such as deforestation and aggressive mining. In the latter case, the waste produced by the industries could result in more pollution of the air and the water, which is directly related to global warming and climate change. Hence, in both scenarios, the environment would hardly suffer from all the industrial waste. In conclusion, although the industrial growth may assist in the reduction of poverty, I believe that the disadvantages overcome the benefits, given that the environment and the planet would hardly suffer from the consequences.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
rise plays a crucial role in reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
. Others may sustain the point of view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
growth can harm the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
and,
therefore
, should not
be encouraged
. In my opinion, the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
growth outweigh the advantages. This essay will discuss both viewpoints.

On the one hand, one may argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
rise can assist in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
reduction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the new jobs that will
be generated
.

In other words
, with more industries, new jobs will
be created
in order to provide all the necessary labor for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

Therefore
, unemployed persons, which may be in a vulnerable situation without any salary, could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job that would,
consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In these cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
growth.

On the other hand
, more industries would require more raw material and would produce more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
waste. Both cases have a direct impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. In the former case, the need for more raw material could lead to severe problems related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, such as deforestation and aggressive mining.

In the latter case, the waste produced by the industries could result in more pollution of the air and the water, which is
directly
related to global warming and climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

Hence
, in both scenarios, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
would hardly suffer from all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
waste.

In conclusion
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
growth may assist in the reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
, I believe that the disadvantages overcome the benefits,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
and the planet would hardly suffer from the consequences.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people say industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, others say industrial growth creates environmental problems. v. 1

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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