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Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. v.44

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. v. 44
One school of thought is that the best approach for child’s development is that if parents teach their children themselves at home. On the other hand, the second school of thought is that children should attend school for their better development. There is no general consensus over this and both approaches have advantages. Let’s see the advantages of the first approach. It is understood that no one can better understand their child except his/her parents. A child is with the parents since birth and parents know each and every aspect of the child. While teacher has to teach the whole class and take every student along with including slow learners and fast learners. Whereas parents have one child to teach and they can give him/her their hundred percent attention. They can schedule the teaching as per their child’s pace. Moreover, parents can better look after the child. Another approach is attending school. This method has its own advantages. In school, a child has to spend his time in the class with other children of the same age. He/she starts making new friends. They not only talk about studies but also discuss other happenings around them. They share knowledge and information with each other.   All the children take part in group activities including extracurricular activities. As a result, their confidence increases many folds. As we have seen, both methods have their own advantages. However, I strongly feel that it is very vital for children to attend school. This way, school and parents share the responsibility of development of the child and it is the best approach.
One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is that the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
development is that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
themselves at home. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for their better development. There is no
Consider using "consensus".
general consensus
over this and both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approaches
have advantages.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the advantages of the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
. It
is understood
that no one can better understand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
except his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
since birth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
know each and every aspect of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. While teacher
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
teach the whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and take every student along with including slow learners and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
learners. Whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
teach and
they can give him/her their hundred percent attention. They can schedule the teaching as per their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
pace.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can better look after the child.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
is attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This method has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend his time in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of the same age. He/she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
making new friends. They not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
talk about studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
discuss
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
happenings around them. They share knowledge and information with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in group activities including extracurricular activities.
As a result
, their confidence increases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
folds.

As we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, both methods have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages.
However
, I
strongly
feel that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
share the responsibility of development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and it is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. v. 44

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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