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Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. v.2

Children are the most precious resources as they will develop our future. Some people state that it is encouraged to teach children at home, while others believe that a school's academic study is the best choice for a child's development. I will be highlighting the pros of both viewpoints, while I utterly believe in sending kids to school for their development. To begin with, it is very clear that the home is the first place where the child's development starts. This fact can't be denied and should not be avoided, but it can't replace the school. My belief on this viewpoint is strong, but this has to be accompanied with school studies. There are numerous advantages for children who study at home. Firstly, they get enough time to focus on their areas of interests, then, they develop self-learning skills, Moreover, they learn how to manage and organize their schedule. For instance, the main millionaire has dropped out from their high schools in order to focus on their areas of interest and they have successfully built an empire in their fields. On the other hand, Schools promotes both academic and personal development skills of the children. A child who goes to school has more advantages over those who don't in terms of developing communication and teamwork. Other benefits, they learn to be more organized and disciplined, then following certain rules and regulations in the school develops law-abiding habits in the child. School children are always involved in extra curricular activities that lead to development in a wide variety of skills. In conclusion, I promote the child should be sent to the school for their better grooming. On the other hand, the parents should work on their child development at home as well. In order for the child to be skilled by both the school and home environment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the most precious resources as they will develop our future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
state that it
is encouraged
to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home, while others believe that a school's academic study is the best choice for a child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. I will be highlighting the pros of both viewpoints, while I
utterly
believe in sending kids to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for their development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the home is the
first
place where the child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
. This fact can't
be denied
and should not
be avoided
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can't replace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. My belief on this viewpoint is strong,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
The usual collocation for “accompany” is “by”, not “with”.
accompanied with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
studies. There are numerous advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who study at home.
Firstly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to focus on their areas of interests, then, they develop self-learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
Moreover
, they learn how to manage and organize their schedule.
For instance
, the main millionaire has dropped out from their high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in order to focus on their areas of
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
interest and
they have
successfully
built an empire in their fields.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
promotes both academic and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
who goes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has more advantages over those who don't in terms of developing communication and teamwork.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
benefits, they learn to be more organized and disciplined, then following certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
develops law-abiding habits in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are always involved in
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
activities that lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in a wide variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, I promote the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for their better grooming. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the parents should work on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
at home
as well
. In order for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
be skilled
by both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and home environment.
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You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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