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Some people believe that success in life depends upon hard work and determination while others believe that other factors like money and personal appearance are important Discuss both view and give your opinion v.4

Some people believe that success in life depends upon hard work and determination while others believe that other factors like money and personal appearance are important 4
Some individuals argue that being successful during life is a result of a lot of work and positive attitudes, whereas some people claim that a sought to make a profit and well being are paramount. The achievement of goals in life are commonly related to greater amount of work and personal deteremination. However, as more work people do, there are more chances to fail, still, more chances of obtaining positive results overall. To say in other words, hardworking and positive attitude lead people to be exposed to greater opportunities and therefore are more likely to success. To illustrate this, Rafa Nadal, that is a professional tennis player who has trained extremely hard during his career, is always positive while playing matches, and thus is the best player in the world despite the fact that he has loss a match plenty of times. On the other hand, making great profits and staying fit could be crucial to become an accomplished professional in life. Having more money allows people to be wealthy, hence they could buy anything they desire and also maintain greatly well their bodies. A prime example of this is Madonna, a famous handsome singer who seems to be successful due to the fact that she has extremely high incomes and can afford everything she wants. In my opinion, making a proper profit is important in life to be able to feed your family and also save for leisure activities. However there is no doubt that the only way to feel accomplished in life is hardworking and facing challenges with positive mind. To conclude, although money can help people to obtain material things and make any activity you desire, having greater incomes or being more handsome does not buy happiness. In fact, working hard and staying positive in life is the best way to be a successful person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals argue that being successful during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is a result of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
attitudes, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that a sought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a profit and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
are paramount.

The achievement of goals in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are
commonly
related to greater amount of work and personal
Possible spelling mistake found.
deteremination
.
However
, as more work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do, there are more chances to fail,
still
, more chances of obtaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
results
overall
. To say
in other words
, hardworking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
attitude lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be exposed
to greater opportunities and
therefore
are more likely to success. To illustrate this,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rafa
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nadal
,
that is
a professional tennis player who has trained
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
during his career, is always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
while playing matches, and
thus
is the best player in the world despite the fact that he has loss a match
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of times.

On the other hand
, making great profits and staying fit could be crucial to become an accomplished professional in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Having more money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be wealthy,
hence
they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything they desire and
also
maintain
greatly
well their bodies. A prime example of this is Madonna, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
handsome singer who seems to be successful due to the fact that she has
extremely
high incomes and can afford everything she wants.

In my opinion, making a proper profit is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to be able to feed your family and
also
save for leisure activities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
there is no doubt that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to feel accomplished in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is hardworking and facing challenges with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
mind.

To conclude
, although money can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to obtain material things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any activity you desire, having greater incomes or being more handsome does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
happiness. In fact, working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is the best way to be a successful person.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that success in life depends upon hard work and determination while others believe that other factors like money and personal appearance are important 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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