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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Dicuss both views and give your opinion? v.1

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Dicuss both views and give your opinion? v. 1
People have different views about the best way to successful career is continuing to study at academic institutions or getting a job. While having a job after school would bring some benefits, I believe that it is better to go to college or university. To begin with, there are some advantages to having a job straight after completing course in schools. Firstly, school leavers could start earning money early; therefore, they are able to pay the cost of living in their lives. Secondly, some individuals would like to follow their passion, and they want to put the knowledge gained during their studies into pratices. For example, Bill Gate, one of the richest man in the world, decided to drop out of Havard universtiy when he find the opportunity with computer softwares. Finally, if students word hard after finishing school, they are ability to move up the career ladder in the near future. On the other hand, I would argue that it is beneficial for students to choose university to enhance their knowledge. Nowadays some companies require academic qualifications in order to work effectively, such as hospitals and banks. Also, getting a excellent degree could help student to have the promotion prospects. In addition, studying in universities might give to teenagers to have strong relationships. As a result, usually do they have an opportunity to reach their achivement in live. In conclusion, it seems to me that students should continue to study in universities for successful careers instead of working straight when they finish schools.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the best way to successful career is continuing to study at academic institutions or getting a job. While having a job after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
would bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, I believe that it is better to go to college or university.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages to having a job straight after completing course in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Firstly
,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earning money early;
therefore
, they are able to pay the cost of living in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals would like to follow their passion, and they want to put the knowledge gained during their studies into
Possible spelling mistake found.
pratices
.
For example
, Bill Gate, one of the richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in the world, decided to drop out of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Havard
Possible spelling mistake found.
universtiy
when he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "finds", "found".
find
the opportunity with computer
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
.
Finally
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
word
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
after finishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they are ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
up the career ladder in the near future.

On the other hand
, I would argue that it is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to choose university to enhance their knowledge. Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
require academic qualifications in order to work
effectively
, such as hospitals and banks.
Also
, getting
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
excellent degree could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to have the promotion prospects.
In addition
, studying in universities might give to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to have strong relationships.
As a result
,
usually
do they have an opportunity to reach their
Possible spelling mistake found.
achivement
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should continue to study in universities for successful careers
instead
of working straight when they finish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Dicuss both views and give your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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