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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 2
People have different views about which way is better for students: pursuing a higher degree or finding a job right after graduation. While I accept that works can be beneficial in some situations, I would argue that in general, an advanced degree is more valuable. On the one hand, taking up an occupation straight after finishing high school can bring some advantages especially in term of finance and practical experience. Firstly, students can earn money and pay for their living expenses. Particularly in rural areas, parents cannot afford university tuition fees. Furthermore, universities might be far from their home, hence, in addition to tuition fees, they need to cover other expenditures such as house or apartment rent. Secondly, following this way, the young can gain empirical knowledge. For example, working as waiters can help youngsters know how to serve customers to meet their satisfaction. Moreover, they will involve in cooperating with others in working places, which is a necessary skill for adult’s lives. On the other hand, I am convinced that pursuing a higher degree is a wider choice. To begin with, I believe that knowledge and skills from schools are not enough to guarantee a successful career. It is a fact that employees holding high school diploma only just find handworks. To get professional works such as marketers or bankers, a Bachelor’s Degree is a compulsory requirement of all employers. Nonetheless, affiliate intellectual industry has grown rapidly and robots promisingly replace manual labor in the near future. As a result, unskilled employees might lose their jobs and live in poverty. In conclusion, it appears to me that even working right after graduation might be helpful in several situations, broadly speaking, juveniles should continue to study which is the shortest path to obtain promising jobs.
People
have
different
views about which way is better for students: pursuing a higher
degree
or finding a job right after graduation. While I accept that works can be beneficial in
some
situations, I would argue that
in general
, an advanced
degree
is more valuable.

On the one hand, taking up an occupation straight after finishing high school can bring
some
advantages
especially
in term of finance and practical experience.
Firstly
, students can earn money and pay for their living expenses.
Particularly
in rural areas, parents cannot afford university tuition fees.
Furthermore
, universities might be far from their home,
hence
,
in addition
to tuition fees, they need to cover other expenditures such as
house
or apartment rent.
Secondly
, following this way, the young can gain empirical knowledge.
For example
, working as waiters can
help
youngsters know how to serve customers to
meet
their satisfaction.
Moreover
, they will involve in cooperating with others in working places, which is a necessary
skill
for adult’s
lives
.

On the other hand
, I
am convinced
that pursuing a higher
degree
is a wider choice. To
begin
with, I believe that knowledge and
skills
from schools are not
enough
to guarantee a successful career. It is a fact that employees holding high school diploma
only
just
find
handworks
. To
get
professional works such as marketers or bankers, a Bachelor’s
Degree
is a compulsory requirement of all employers. Nonetheless, affiliate intellectual industry has grown
rapidly
and robots
promisingly
replace manual labor in the near future.
As a result
, unskilled employees might lose their jobs and
live
in poverty.

In conclusion
, it appears to me that even working right after graduation might be helpful in several situations,
broadly
speaking, juveniles should continue to study which is the shortest path to obtain promising jobs.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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