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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 3
People these days have different views about what students should do after they leave school. While many people claim that school leavers should secure a job, I would claim that it is better for them to pursue universities or colleges. On the one hand, for those who want to get a job straight after high school, they believe that this is beneficial for some reasons. Firstly, since they take part in workforce early, they can make money and save a large amount of money which enable them to afford their interest in travelling or shopping. In fact, they can get payment each month and do not have to waste money on tuition fee or school materials. Secondly, this can be seen as an opportunity for the young to accumulate practical experience and useful skills. This can be explained by the face that curriculums in accademic institution include many subjects which might not concentrate on the skills meeting the demand of the jobs. Therefore, getting involve in the real workforce can be a good ways to develop these skills. On the other hand, I believe that the school leavers should attend higher school as it is the best way to success in their future career. First of all, most of the top careers which receive admiration from the public require accademic qualifications as an essential condition to be hired. For example, to become a doctor of a layer, individuals are forced to study 4-6 years in universities otherwise their appication would be not meet the requirement of the occupation. In addition, those who graduate from accademic institution have a better chance to get high salary jobs. That is because they are classified in qualified employees who is taught to think and solve problem logically. Certaintly, the employers have more interest in people with university's degree than school leavers and are more likely to be willing to pay more for them. In conclusion, while many people believe peole should get a job straight after school, I would argue that university can give them a better future in their career.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
these days have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about what students should do after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
should secure a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, I would claim that it is better for them to pursue universities or colleges.

On the one hand, for those who want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
straight after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they believe that this is beneficial for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
Firstly
, since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in workforce early, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money and save a large amount of money which enable them to afford their interest in travelling or shopping. In fact, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
payment each month and do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
waste money on tuition fee or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
materials.
Secondly
, this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as an opportunity for the young to accumulate practical experience and useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the face that curriculums in
Possible spelling mistake found.
accademic
institution include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
subjects which might not concentrate on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
meeting the demand of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Therefore
, getting involve in the real workforce can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "way"?
ways
to develop these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the other hand
, I believe that the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
should attend higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as it is the best way to success in their future career.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, most of the top careers which receive admiration from the public require
Possible spelling mistake found.
accademic
qualifications as an essential condition to
be hired
.
For example
, to become a doctor of a layer, individuals
are forced
to study 4-6 years in universities
otherwise
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
appication
would be not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the requirement of the occupation.
In addition
, those who graduate from
Possible spelling mistake found.
accademic
institution have a better chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are classified
in qualified employees who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'employees' should be used.
is
taught to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and solve problem
logically
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Certaintly
, the employers have more interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with university's degree than
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
and are more likely to be willing to pay more for them.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe
Possible spelling mistake found.
peole
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
straight after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I would argue that university can give them a better future in their career.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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