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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views v.35

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. 35
Upon graduating from school, youngsters usually consider whether or not continuing study further. While some people believe that studying at university or college is the best to guarantee a successful career, others argue that having a job straight after school is a right decision. On the one hand, there are several reasons why people tend to pursue higher education. Firstly, university graduates with higher qualifications usually have more opportunities to find a well-paid job. Since firms often prioritise candidates who obtain bachelor' s degree and master' s degree. Secondly, the job market is becoming competitive so that could be an opportunity for university graduates as they are able to meet higher-level qualifications than those who have no degree. Thus, it seems evident that people who have a degree have more benefits and priorities than others in seeking a job. On the other hand, working after graduating high school is beneficial in some ways. Firstly, young people who start working right after school instead of pursuing higher education can obtain a lot of real experience. In Vietnam, this could be an opportunity as many enterprises are urgently looking for experienced applicants. Secondly, by working, people can earn money as soon as possible, they are likely to be mature enough and are able to live independently without any financial support from others since they can make ends meet by their own income. It is also a common knowledge that having a job leads to even more maturity. In conclusion, it is evident that both continuing to study higher-level of education and working right after school each have their own unique advantages.
Upon graduating from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, youngsters
usually
consider
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
continuing study
further
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that studying at university or college is the best to guarantee a successful career, others argue that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
straight after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a right decision.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to pursue higher education.
Firstly
, university graduates with higher qualifications
usually
have more opportunities to find a well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Since firms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritise' is British English.
prioritise
candidates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
obtain
Possible spelling mistake found.
bachelor&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
master&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market is becoming competitive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that could be an opportunity for university graduates as they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
higher-level qualifications than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
.
Thus
, it seems evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
have more benefits and priorities than others in seeking a job.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
after
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduating from".
graduating
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.
Firstly
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
right after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
instead
of pursuing higher education can obtain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
real experience. In Vietnam, this could be an opportunity as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
enterprises are
urgently
looking for experienced applicants.
Secondly
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can earn money as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible, they are likely to be mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
without any financial support from others since they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
income. It is
also
a common knowledge that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
leads to even more maturity.

In conclusion
, it is evident that both continuing to study higher-level of education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
right after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
each have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique advantages.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. 35

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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