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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v.33

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 33
Graduates of high school often face a dilemma of whether to seek a job or to enrol in universities or colleges to pursue higher education. This essay will analyse both views and will provide an opinion at the end of the essay. The option to start work right after high school is appealing for several reasons. Many young people want to become independent and prefer their own source of income rather than relying on parents or guardian to meet their living expenses. They believe that learning skills while at work is far better than attending a college. For instance, Memon Community in Karachi prefers their children to help them in expanding their family business after school; seeking higher education for them is a waste of money and time. Often youth of middle-class families opt for jobs straight after school to share the burden of family expenses due to ever-growing inflation. On the other hand, many teenagers prefer to seek admission in higher academic institutes like engineering, medical and business schools. They believe that bachelor's degree or diploma will help then attain a perfect job leading to a promising career. They argue that due to rising competition in the job market, seeking higher education is mandatory. Universities help them in enlightening their vision, expand their domain, polish their skills and prepare them to face real world challenges. For instance, Financial Industry in Pakistan favour commerce graduates over high school graduates because of their knowledge and skills which they acquired by studying at business schools and colleges. Moreover, a degree makes you more competitive and helps you earn at a better rate. To conclude, the above provides solid evidence on both views. However, in my opinion, every teenager should opt for higher education rather than work after school right away. Skills and knowledge which students acquire at the university are unmatched and unparalleled.
Graduates of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
face a dilemma of whether to seek a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or to enrol in universities or colleges to pursue higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both views and will provide an opinion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the essay.

The option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
work right after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is appealing for several reasons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to become independent and prefer their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
source of income
rather
than relying on parents or guardian to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their living expenses. They believe that learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
while at work is far better than attending a college.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Memon
Community in Karachi prefers their children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in expanding their family business after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
; seeking higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for them is a waste of money and time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
youth of middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
families opt for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
straight after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to share the burden of family expenses due to ever-growing inflation.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
prefer to seek admission in higher academic institutes like engineering, medical and business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. They believe that bachelor's degree or diploma will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
then attain a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
leading to a promising career. They argue that due to rising competition in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market, seeking higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is mandatory. Universities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in enlightening their vision, expand their domain, polish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and prepare them to face real world challenges.
For instance
, Financial Industry in Pakistan
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
commerce
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduates from".
graduates
over high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
graduates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which they acquired by studying at business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and colleges.
Moreover
, a degree
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you more competitive and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
you earn at a better rate.

To conclude
, the above provides solid evidence on both views.
However
, in my opinion, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
should opt for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
rather
than work after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
right away.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Skills
and knowledge which students acquire at the university
are unmatched
and unparalleled.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 33

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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