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In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion. v.1

In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion. v. 1
In many nations, the government is giving priority to economic growth leaving behind all other issues. Although the main advantage can be increased work opportunities, I believe that the health sector will have a severe impact. The primary benefit is people of that nation will get more employment offers. that is to say, as the government constructs more companies and factories to increase their economic status in the global market they need more people to work for them. For that reason, they recruit labour and staff from the general public offering jobs and good salaries. For example, Japan holds the number 2 position in the world in terms of the economy because of their immense efforts in this area. Despite this, I believe that other sectors such as health should be given more importance. Health sectors of the nations who follow this trend could undergo tremendous strain. In other words, people may suffer from poor health due to improper medical facilities and sometimes can cause death. As a result, there will more strain on the country's health care system to allocate an additional budget to mitigate these issues. For instance, in Bhutan in 2011, more than a thousand people died of flu due to lack of proper health provisions. I believe that any country should give more importance to the health sector to save its people lives. In conclusion, although the benefit of creating more jobs is possible by prioritising economic growth, the country may also suffer from an improper health system is a major drawback. It is recommended that all nations in the world prioritise health-care system to protect its public.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is giving priority to economic growth leaving behind all other issues. Although the main advantage can
be increased
work opportunities, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
will have a severe impact.

The primary benefit is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more employment offers.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
is to say, as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
constructs more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and factories to increase their economic status in the global market they need more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work for them. For that reason, they recruit
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
and staff from the
Consider using "public".
general public
offering jobs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salaries.
For example
, Japan holds the number 2 position in the world in terms of the economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their immense efforts in this area. Despite this, I believe that other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more importance.

Health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
who follow this trend could undergo tremendous strain.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may suffer from poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
due to improper medical facilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
can cause death.
As a result
, there will more strain on the country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system to allocate an additional budget to mitigate these issues.
For instance
, in Bhutan in 2011, more than a thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
of flu due to lack of proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
provisions. I believe that any country should give more importance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
to save its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
.

In conclusion
, although the benefit of creating more jobs is possible by
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritising' is British English.
prioritising
economic growth, the country may
also
suffer from an improper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
system is a major drawback. It
is recommended
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in the world
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritise' is British English.
prioritise
health-care system to protect its public.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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