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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others think that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.19

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others think that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 19
Upon high school graduation, students face the dilemma of continuing their studies at university or taking a job. While some believe it is better to pursue higher education, I agree with the idea that enrolling at a university leads to more success in their careers. Some may argue that working after high school helps those graduates develop an independent life and gives them an insight into their future careers. First, they can learn to live independently by managing their own income and spending. In Vietnam, students taking jobs after high school and living away from their parents are more self-reliant adults who can cover the compounding costs of accommodation, transport and food without asking their parents for a monthly spending allowance. Second, they are given the opportunity and time to observe how other people work in their workplaces. As a result, they may acquire a better understanding of their chosen profession and thus make a rational decision about their future, whether it is better to go back to university or to run a business. However, I believe it is more beneficial for students to continue their studies. One benefit is qualifications are an essential prerequisite for employment in certain professions. It is considered illegal to practice medicine without medical degrees or give legal advice without law degrees in most countries in the world. Another benefit is people with post-secondary education and years of experience in an industry have a higher chance of rising to the top and becoming leaders or managers of their companies. This is because the diplomas or degrees in addition to work experience they possess can convince others that they the necessary skills to regulate the operation of a company’s department. In conclusion, while the option to work after school seems attractive for several reasons, I believe that pursuing a degree is more likely to lead to an envious career.
Upon high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
graduation, students face the dilemma of continuing their studies at university or taking a job. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe it is better to pursue higher education, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that enrolling at a university leads to more success in their careers.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "argues".
argue
that working after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
those graduates develop an independent life and gives them an insight into their future careers.
First
, they can learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
by managing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
income and spending. In Vietnam, students taking jobs after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and living away from their parents are more self-reliant adults who can cover the compounding costs of accommodation, transport and food without asking their parents for a monthly spending allowance. Second, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity and time to observe how other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work in their workplaces.
As a result
, they may acquire a better understanding of their chosen profession and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a rational decision about their future, whether it is better to go back to university or to run a business.

However
, I believe it is more beneficial for students to continue their studies. One benefit is qualifications are an essential prerequisite for employment in certain professions. It
is considered
illegal to practice medicine without medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
or give legal advice without law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
in most countries in the world. Another benefit is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with post-secondary education and years of experience in an industry have a higher chance of rising to the top and becoming leaders or managers of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the diplomas or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
in addition
to work experience they possess can convince others that they the necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to regulate the operation of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s department.

In conclusion
, while the option to work after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
seems attractive for several reasons, I believe that pursuing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
is more likely to lead to an envious career.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others think that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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