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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believes that it is better to get a job straight after school. v.15

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believes that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 15
Although it is considered by some people that the best way to securing a good job is being a university graduate, there are others who think that starting work after school is a better option. In my opinion, deciding to work is beneficial in the field of business, whereas completing university coursework is most useful in an academic career. On the one hand, it is attractive to find work after school, according to some people because they will have the opportunity to gain experience related to their chosen profession and acquire top soft skills such as time management, leadership, flexibility, and teamwork. This results in promotions and a successful career. For example, not only has the job market been increasingly becoming competitive, but there are also sometimes an overwhelming number of applicants for one position in a company. Therefore, it is commonly believed by some people that learning key soft skills that can be valuable to a company and having relevant experience in that line of work can put one ahead of the game when applying for the position. On the other hand, some people think that it is more advantageous to pursue higher education after school. Since obtaining a university certificate is an indicator of perseverance, dedication, passion, commitment, and intelligence needed to study a degree course for three or four years, a university degree is a convincing proof of the competence of the applicants. As a result, most employers will be more impressed by candidates who have qualifications from a university than those with fewer qualifications, which in turn leads university graduates not only to better job opportunities, but also to higher incomes. Finally, in my view, deciding whether to continue study beyond school level or start work straight after school should depend on the position being applied for. It is impossible to become a doctor, lawyer, or teacher without having academic qualifications, for instance. In business, however, it is more important for young people to get real experience and learn useful skills through work early so that they will be able to step into a position without further training and consequently be an immediate benefit to the company. Hence, people should ensure that they attain the relevant degree or indispensable skills before applying for a job in order to be successful in their careers. In conclusion, even though people may vary in their opinions, I think that being a successful career requires the relevant background either in tertiary education or work experience depending on the type of work and field.
Although it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the best way to securing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduate, there are others who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a better option. In my opinion, deciding to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is beneficial in the field of business, whereas completing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
coursework is most useful in an academic career.

On the one hand, it is attractive to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will have the opportunity to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
related to their chosen profession and acquire top soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as time management, leadership, flexibility, and teamwork. This results in promotions and a successful career.
For example
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market been
increasingly
becoming competitive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
an overwhelming number of applicants for one position in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Therefore
, it is
commonly
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that learning key soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that can be valuable to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and having relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in that line of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can put one ahead of the game when applying for the position.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is more advantageous to pursue higher education after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Since obtaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
certificate is an indicator of perseverance, dedication, passion, commitment, and intelligence needed to study a degree course for three or four years, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree is a convincing proof of the competence of the applicants.
As a result
, most employers will be more impressed by candidates who have qualifications from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
than those with fewer qualifications, which in turn leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to higher incomes.

Finally
, in my view, deciding whether to continue study beyond
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
straight after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should depend on the position
being applied
for. It is impossible to become a doctor, lawyer, or teacher without having academic qualifications,
for instance
. In business,
however
, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and learn useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
early
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will be able to step into a position without
further
training and
consequently
be an immediate benefit to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should ensure that they attain the relevant degree or indispensable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
applying for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in order to be successful in their careers.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinions, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that being a successful career requires the relevant background either in tertiary education or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
depending on the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and field.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believes that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 15

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
423 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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