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Some parents believe that children in their leisure should be involved in educational activities. While others believe it adds to much pressure on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some parents believe that children in their leisure should be involved in educational activities. While others believe it adds to much pressure on children. v. 2
Although educational, leisure pursuits preferred by some parents as it will aid children to utilize their free time productively, others firmly believe that this trend will bring an undue burden due to lack of relaxation and physical movement. This essay agrees that an increase in technology is beneficial to students and teachers. This essay will discuss both points of view. To embark with the pivotal rationale behind the topic at hand is rapidly soaring competition over the past few decades. Consequently, survival in the modern era has boosted considerably. Therefore, Youngsters need to spare their time to enhance their academic knowledge which would help them to get admission in any tertiary training. As a result, they can obtain splendid employment opportunities and a good standard of life. For instance, according to a survey, conducted by the advanced education institute, shows that children who immersed all the time in their study are more likely to suffer from a mental disorder. Moving forth, the reason behind the second school of thought is an extreme pressure of study, which in turn leads to stress increases. As a result, emotional outlet gets diminished, which resulting outburst of anger, deficiency of patience or psychological disorders like depression, anxiety. For example, the government enforces legislation that there must be a sport-related curriculum with schooling. In conclusion, although, academic leisure activities help the student obtain the soft skill to achieve a magnificent job chance, relaxation and physical exercises are more vital for the overall development of a child.
Although educational, leisure pursuits preferred by
some
parents as it will aid children to utilize their free time
productively
, others
firmly
believe that this trend will bring an undue burden due to lack of relaxation and physical movement. This essay
agrees
that an increase in technology is beneficial to students and teachers. This essay will discuss both points of view.

To embark with the pivotal rationale behind the topic at hand is
rapidly
soaring competition over the past few decades.
Consequently
, survival in the modern era has boosted
considerably
.
Therefore
, Youngsters need to spare their time to enhance their academic knowledge which would
help
them to
get
admission in any tertiary training.
As a result
, they can obtain splendid employment opportunities and a
good
standard of life.
For instance
, according to a survey, conducted by the advanced education institute,
shows
that children who immersed all the time in their study are more likely to suffer from a mental disorder.

Moving forth, the reason behind the second school of
thought
is an extreme pressure of study, which in turn leads to
stress
increases.
As a result
, emotional outlet
gets
diminished, which resulting outburst of anger, deficiency of patience or psychological disorders like depression, anxiety.
For example
, the
government
enforces legislation that there
must
be a sport-related curriculum with schooling.

In conclusion
, although, academic leisure activities
help
the student obtain the soft
skill
to achieve a magnificent job chance, relaxation and physical exercises are more vital for the
overall
development of a child.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents believe that children in their leisure should be involved in educational activities. While others believe it adds to much pressure on children. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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