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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion? v.11

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 11
Tertiary or secondary Education is the best way to choose a successful career. Many people believe that academic qualification is the most successful way for acquiring better future. While, others believe that teenagers get more successful after finishing school education. However, I will highlight both views in this essay and argue that university education is an essential pathway for successful route and better position in society as well. On the first hand, after finishing school teenagers face the various challenges of life. Either they have to study further or move on to locate jobs for fulfilment of survival needs. Many young people wanted to establish for being practical as early as possible due to the financial situation and burdened by their parents and siblings. Moreover, these young boys are becoming more practical, independent and hard workers who support their family needs at an early age. Rather than studying further they became more skilful and experienced related to their chosen ambition likely to be diplomas or short courses. For instance, the Memon community who prefer to involve their youngs to expand their profession rather to connect themselves for studies and wastage of money and time. Conversely, teenagers who prioritize their studies over future career at a growing stage are more educated, practical, responsible. Owing to this, they achieved higher designation in a reputable organization. Considering the examples of doctors, engineers, lawyers and scientists, these professions required higher academic degree for pursuing the desired category. As a fruitful consequences, university degree has more advantages, larger opportunities and high paid salaries as compare to the less educated person who could not compete with them. In the light of the above discussion, teenagers seems to be more successful in their career who have higher education as compared to those who terminate their studies due to family bussiness or financial issues
Tertiary or secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is the best way to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that academic qualification is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
way for acquiring better future. While, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
after finishing school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
However
, I will highlight both views in this essay and argue that university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is an essential pathway for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
route and better position in society
as well
.

On the
first
hand, after finishing school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
face the various challenges of life. Either they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
further
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on to locate jobs for
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
of survival needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
wanted to establish for being practical as early as possible due to the financial situation and burdened by their parents and siblings.
Moreover
, these young boys are becoming more practical, independent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
support their family needs at an early age.
Rather
than studying
further
they became more
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
and experienced related to their chosen ambition likely to be diplomas or short courses.
For instance
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Memon
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
prefer to involve their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "young", the plural form of the noun 'young'?
youngs
to expand their profession
rather
to connect themselves for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and wastage of money and time.

Conversely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
prioritize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
over future career at a growing stage are more educated, practical, responsible. Owing to this, they achieved higher designation in a reputable organization. Considering the examples of doctors, engineers, lawyers and scientists, these professions required higher academic degree for pursuing the desired category. As a fruitful
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "consequence"?
consequences
, university degree has more advantages, larger opportunities and high paid salaries as compare to the less educated person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
could not compete with them.

In the light of the above discussion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
seems to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in their career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
terminate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
due to family
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussiness
or financial issues
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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