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Some people believe that longer prison sentences are the best way to decrease crime while others believe that there are alternative ways to decrease crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that longer prison sentences are the best way to decrease crime while others believe that there are alternative ways to decrease crime. v. 1
In recent years, crime rate has been increased drastically. While some people think, a life sentence is a superior method to decline illegal acts, others feel there are different procedures to deal with this situation. This essay discusses both the phenomena and agrees with the latter view. On the one hand, it is true that longer prison sentence helps to reduce violations as it develops fear in the criminal mind. That is because, they would spend their entire life locked up away from their loved ones and live a life that no one desire. This kind of mindset could build a better society as the felons will realise that they cannot get away with their wrong doings and face punishment accordingly. For instance, burglary cases has been reduced in the United States after the government announced culprits will be restricted to prison for twenty years. Clearly, this kind of law will generate fear and prevent the offenders from violating any regulations. On the other hand, there are several ways to control offence. Longer life sentence do not provide criminals an opportunity to change. Instead, the government could enlarge employment opportunities in rural areas, which assists the individuals to be engaged in some activity thereby establishing a positive environment and to not think about becoming an offender. Research conducted by a senior police officer shows that most of the felons who got released from jail are able to start a new life by finding a job, is an illustration to believe that there could be another ways to diminish misdeeds. If a person face a lifetime sentence for their mistakes then they may not get a chance to prove their changed behaviour. In conclusion, although, a life long punishment is conducive in controlling criminal cases, I strongly believe that government could provide more employment opportunities and give a chance to the culprits.
In recent years, crime rate has
been increased
drastically
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sentence
is a superior method to decline illegal acts, others feel there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
procedures to deal with this situation. This essay discusses both the phenomena and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the latter view.

On the one hand, it is true that longer prison
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sentence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
violations as it develops fear in the criminal mind.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they would spend their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
locked up away from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that no one desire. This kind of mindset could build a better society as the felons will
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away with their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doings and face punishment
accordingly
.
For instance
, burglary cases has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in the United States after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
announced culprits will
be restricted
to prison for twenty years.
Clearly
, this kind of law will generate fear and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the offenders from violating any regulations.

On the other hand
, there are several ways to control
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
. Longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sentence
do not provide criminals an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
Instead
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could enlarge employment opportunities in rural areas, which assists the individuals to
be engaged
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activity thereby establishing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
environment and to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about becoming an offender. Research conducted by a senior police officer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that most of the felons who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
released from jail are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by finding a job, is an illustration to believe that there could be another ways to diminish misdeeds. If a person face a lifetime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sentence
for their mistakes then they may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to prove their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

In conclusion
, although, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
long punishment is conducive in controlling criminal cases, I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could provide more employment opportunities and give a chance to the culprits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that longer prison sentences are the best way to decrease crime while others believe that there are alternative ways to decrease crime. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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