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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.12

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 12
Although agriculture has developed in recent years, there are still a lot of people suffer from hunger around the world. This essay will examine some of the reasons for these problems and provide some possible solutions to avoid them. The first reason behind that problem is social injustice in some parts of the world. In other words, people do not have equal rights in terms of their jobs. For example, most of the people earn less than minimum wage in some of the developing countries, although they make an effort more than others who live in developed countries. Therefore, they cannot afford to buy a sufficient amount of food live healthily. The second reason behind that is the national economy. Some countries have a weak economy and therefore they cannot achieve to develop their agriculture technology. Because of this reason, their agricultural products are not fertile to supply individuals’ needs. For instance, although some of the countries in Africa have fertile land, agricultural production is still low due to unadvanced agricultural technology. People still farm in a traditional way which does not increase the number of crops. However, there are some possible solutions to tackle this problem. First of all, social justice should be secured. Governments should struggle to avoid wage gap. Moreover, new laws can get under control the social injustice. Secondly, developed countries should provide economic assistance for poor countries which are unable to grow a sufficient amount of agricultural products. Furthermore, local governments of poor countries should develop their agriculture to improve the fertile. In conclusion, although lots of people suffer from hunger in different parts of the world, that could be tackled by securing social justice and providing financial assistance.
Although agriculture has developed in recent years, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from hunger around the world. This essay will examine
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for these problems and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to avoid them.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
behind that problem is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
injustice in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have equal rights in terms of their jobs.
For example
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn less than minimum wage in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, although they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort more than others who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Therefore
, they cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a sufficient amount of food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthily
. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
behind
that is
the national economy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a weak economy and
therefore
they cannot achieve to develop their agriculture technology.
Because of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
products are not fertile to supply individuals’ needs.
For instance
, although
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in Africa have fertile land,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
production is
still
low due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
unadvanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
technology.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
still
farm
Consider replacing "in a traditional way" with the adverb for "traditional"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a traditional way
which does not increase the number of crops.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to tackle this problem.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
justice should
be secured
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should struggle to avoid wage gap.
Moreover
, new laws can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
under control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
injustice.
Secondly
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should provide economic assistance for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which are unable to grow a sufficient amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
products.
Furthermore
, local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should develop their agriculture to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the fertile.

In conclusion
, although lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from hunger in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world, that could
be tackled
by securing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
justice and providing financial assistance.
22Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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